Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Sample Response
Many believe that the onus should be on the parents to teach children how to be well-mannered and good members of society, yet others feel that school is the right institution for this. This essay will discuss both perspectives. Personally, I believe that despite schools offering children a favourable environment for learning social skills, parents are best at teaching these skills to their children.
The proponents of schools teaching children to be good members of society argue that a school has an environment conducive to learning the skills needed to be an ideal member of society. That is to say that it provides a structured and diverse social setting where children learn to engage with their peers from mixed social backgrounds. This exposure, in turn, helps them acquire essential social skills, develop empathy, and understand diverse perspectives. For instance, classroom discussions and group projects offer children the opportunity to collaborate, share ideas, and appreciate different views, thus preparing them for navigating the complexity of the real world.
However, the adherents of parents teaching children to be ideal members of society opine that children learn best through emulating parents’ behaviour and observing social norms within the family environment. This is because parents are uniquely positioned as the primary caregiver, thus developing the deepest emotional attachment to their children. This emotional attachment makes parents the most influential role model. For example, when parents demonstrate empathy, moral values, and patriotism, children are more likely to acquire these traits and apply them in their daily lives. For this reason, I think that parents should bear the responsibility of teaching children how to be worthwhile members of the community.
In conclusion, although school provides a conducive atmosphere for learning essential social skills, I argue that parents can teach children necessary social competencies as they serve as the most powerful role models in a child’s life.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove unnecessary article Original: on the parents Suggested revision: on parents Why it matters: Parents refers to the group generally, so the definite article is unnecessary.
- 2. Refine the comparison Original: parents are best at teaching Suggested revision: parents are better suited to teaching Why it matters: This phrasing expresses the comparison between parents and schools more precisely.
- 3. Simplify the phrase Original: The proponents of schools teaching children Suggested revision: Proponents of teaching children at school Why it matters: The revised noun phrase is less cumbersome and preserves the original meaning.
- 4. Use concise transition Original: That is to say that Suggested revision: Specifically, Why it matters: A concise transition links the explanation to the preceding claim more directly.
- 5. Use natural collocation Original: mixed Suggested revision: diverse Why it matters: Diverse is the more natural adjective for a range of social backgrounds.
- 6. Correct verb pattern Original: preparing them for navigating Suggested revision: preparing them to navigate Why it matters: Prepare takes a to-infinitive when it describes readiness to perform an action.
- 7. Use plural noun Original: complexity Suggested revision: complexities Why it matters: The plural noun more naturally refers to the real world's many difficulties.
- 8. Use concise terminology Original: the adherents of parents teaching children Suggested revision: advocates of parental instruction Why it matters: This compact phrase avoids the awkward chain of nouns and gerunds.
- 9. Use natural reporting verb Original: opine Suggested revision: argue Why it matters: Argue is a more natural academic reporting verb in this context.
- 10. Use idiomatic preposition Original: through Suggested revision: by Why it matters: By correctly introduces the method through which children learn.
- 11. Match the plural noun Original: the most influential role model Suggested revision: their children's most influential role models Why it matters: The complement should be plural because it refers to parents collectively.
- 12. Sentence rewrite Original: This is because parents are uniquely positioned as the primary caregiver, thus developing the deepest emotional attachment to their children. Suggested revision: Because they are primary caregivers, parents are uniquely positioned to develop the deepest emotional attachment to their children. Why it matters: The rewrite fixes the singular complement and makes the causal relationship grammatically clear.
Suggested Rewrites
- on the parents on parents
- parents are best at teaching parents are better suited to teaching
- The proponents of schools teaching children Proponents of teaching children at school
- That is to say that Specifically,
- mixed diverse
- preparing them for navigating preparing them to navigate
Why this response received Band 8.0
The essay fully addresses both views, maintains a clear preference for parental responsibility, and develops each perspective with relevant explanation and examples. Its progression is particularly strong, and the language is varied and generally precise, though a few expressions sound overly formal or slightly awkward. The main refinement is to choose more natural phrasing while preserving the present depth and clarity of argument.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views are directly examined, the writer's opinion is clear throughout, and the main ideas are well extended with relevant support.
For further refinement, acknowledge a possible limitation of relying on either parents or schools alone before confirming the preferred view.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas are sequenced logically across focused paragraphs, and cohesive devices guide the reader smoothly without obscuring the argument.
Reduce minor reliance on formulaic signposting so that transitions arise even more naturally from the relationships between ideas.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a wide and precise vocabulary, with only occasional overly formal or unnatural choices such as adherents and worthwhile members.
Prefer natural academic expressions over conspicuously formal synonyms when a simpler word would convey the meaning more precisely.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is handled accurately, and the few minor slips do not impede communication.
Polish agreement and reference in phrases such as parents being primary caregivers to make already strong sentences fully precise.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.