Some people believe the aim of university education is to help graduates get better jobs. Others believe there are much wider benefits of university education for both individuals and society. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Sample Response
It is often argued that tertiary education’s main purpose is to enhance students’ employment prospects, while others would say that there are broader advantages to society as a whole. This essay disagrees that the primary goal of third-level education should be to get learners on the career ladder and there are far more important perks to consider. It is clear that a degree does help someone get a better job to a certain extent, but it by no means guarantees one. Since the financial crisis of 2008 most graduates find themselves working in jobs that do not require a university education, such as manual labour or customer service. It is for this reason that this essay believes that going to university solely to improve your career opportunities is illogical. The Sunday Times recently reported a survey that found 67% of graduates in 2010 were working in jobs that required no qualifications beyond high school. The real benefits surpass individualistic considerations and help society both socially and economically. Areas that have world class institutions like San Francisco and Cambridge consistently rank as having the highest standards of living on the planet. This essay therefore believes that these factors trump increased job opportunities as the primary purpose of higher education. For instance, the area around Stanford University is not only home to Apple, Facebook and Google, but also world-leading schools, hospitals and civic facilities. To conclude, although colleges can lead to increased career prospects, this should not be considered the be all and end all, and instead we should consider the socio-economic benefits that make seats of higher learning so valuable to their communities.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use direct parallel wording Original: while others would say Suggested revision: while others argue Why it matters: This creates a more direct parallel between the two positions.
- 2. Use formal register Original: perks Suggested revision: benefits Why it matters: Benefits is more appropriate than the informal perks in an academic essay.
- 3. Use concise qualifier Original: to a certain extent Suggested revision: to some extent Why it matters: This is a more concise and natural qualification of the claim.
- 4. Add introductory comma Original: 2008 most graduates Suggested revision: 2008, most graduates Why it matters: A comma should follow the introductory prepositional phrase.
- 5. Keep person consistent Original: your Suggested revision: their Why it matters: Third-person reference is needed to remain consistent with graduates and someone.
- 6. Clarify intended contrast Original: individualistic considerations Suggested revision: individual benefits Why it matters: The revision states the contrast with social benefits more clearly and neutrally.
- 7. Use formal noun structure Original: tertiary education’s main purpose Suggested revision: the main purpose of tertiary education Why it matters: The revised noun phrase is slightly more formal and easier to process.
- 8. Represent both beneficiaries Original: broader advantages to society as a whole Suggested revision: broader benefits for individuals and society Why it matters: This wording reflects both beneficiary groups named in the task.
- 9. Use precise academic wording Original: does help someone get a better job Suggested revision: can help graduates secure better jobs Why it matters: The revision is more precise and avoids the vague pronoun someone.
- 10. Use concise verb Original: find themselves working Suggested revision: work Why it matters: The simpler verb expresses the same point without unnecessary wording.
- 11. Clarify examples as roles Original: such as manual labour or customer service Suggested revision: including roles in manual labour or customer service Why it matters: This makes clear that the examples refer to types of employment.
- 12. Sentence rewrite Original: This essay disagrees that the primary goal of third-level education should be to get learners on the career ladder and there are far more important perks to consider. Suggested revision: This essay argues that getting learners onto the career ladder should not be the primary goal of third-level education because there are far more important benefits to consider. Why it matters: The rewrite makes the relationship between the position and its reason grammatically clear.
Suggested Rewrites
- while others would say while others argue
- perks benefits
- to a certain extent to some extent
- 2008 most graduates 2008, most graduates
- your their
- individualistic considerations individual benefits
Why this response received Band 7.5
The response presents a clear position and uses specific examples to build a persuasive contrast between employment outcomes and wider social value. Its principal weakness is organisation: the entire argument appears as one paragraph, obscuring the shift between the two views and the conclusion, while broader individual benefits receive limited attention. The priority is to separate the argument into purposeful paragraphs and develop that missing dimension.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views are discussed and a clear opinion is sustained with relevant examples, but the wider benefits to individuals are not substantially developed.
Add a distinct explanation of how university education benefits individuals beyond employment, such as intellectual growth or informed citizenship.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically and references are generally clear, but presenting the introduction, both arguments, and conclusion in one paragraph weakens organisation markedly.
Divide the response into an introduction, one paragraph for each view, and a conclusion so each stage of the argument is immediately visible.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is wide-ranging, flexible, and generally precise, with only occasional choices that are slightly informal or overstated.
Prefer consistently academic wording in place of expressions such as 'perks' and 'be all and end all'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is used accurately and fluently, with only minor lapses that do not impede communication.
Refine occasional awkward coordination and maintain precise tense choices when describing developments continuing from a past date.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people believe the aim of university education is to help graduates get better jobs. Others believe there are much wider benefits of university education for both individuals and society. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.