Some people believe that it is a good idea to continue to work at their old age. Do you agree or disagree?

Same questionCompare 4 different answers (Band 7.5–8)

Sample Response

1

As the average lifespan is growing longer acrossarcoss the globe, some people are seeking rearrangement of lives and consider workingwroking at an old age as a good choice. From my perspective, such an ideasuch idea, if put into practice, is harmful to both themselves and the whole society, despite few benefits it may bring.

2

The argument in favour of such proposal is that working outside instead of staying at home to spend decades of retirement gives old people more opportunities to stay linked to the mainstreammain society, and the labour required in the job also provides a chance for them to keep moving. It is true that people who retire often suffer from social and physical problems such as lonelinesslonliness and bone weakness due to less attachment to the outside world and insufficient physical activities. Therefore, it seems reasonable to some extent that working at an old age is a good choice.

3

However, what this idea overlooks is the limited capability of old people and the consequencessubsequence it brings to the job market and the whole society. Although the development of medicine and overall enhancement of education makes old people today much healthier than before, they can still in no way be physically and intellectuallyintelluctually paralleled by their younger counterpartscounterpart. Nevertheless, companies won't ease the workload and shorten working hoursshorten the workload just because the employees are old. As a consequence, doing jobs that are designed for young people's durability can put a great burden on elderly people's bodiesold people's body, whereby aggravating their health problems that have already accumulatedaccumalated for decades, and far exceeding the possible benefits they can get from physically moving.

4

FurthermoreWhat's worse, involving old people in the job market also posespose a great threat to young people and the whole society. Young people usually do not have substantial savingsdon't have much savings and are eager to get a job in order to maintain a basic standard of livingkeep a basic living. With so many old competitors in the job market, they will have much fewer job opportunities and lower salaries even if they get one. Hence, such disruption will add to the survival stress of the overall society, with graduates unable to pay rent and middle-aged men incapableuncapable of feeding their families.

5

In conclusion, considering the disadvantages that outweigh the advantages, it is not a good idea to make people workworking at such an old age at which they are supposed to retire and rest.

Overall assessment

Why this response received Band 7.5

The essay presents a well-developed argument with a clear position and logical paragraph organization that fully addresses the prompt. Its strongest asset is the thorough progression of ideas supporting both the counter-argument and main stance. To reach a higher standard, the writer should focus on proofreading to eliminate frequent spelling typos and minor grammatical slips.

Band score breakdown

IELTS Writing Criteria Scores

TR

Task Response

7.5
Scoring rule

The response clearly states a definite position and thoroughly explores both the potential benefits and significant drawbacks of older people remaining in the workforce.

Next step

Ensure all supporting points directly relate to the specific prompt focus without slight overgeneralisations about job market dynamics.

CC

Coherence and Cohesion

7.5
Scoring rule

Paragraphing is logical and ideas progress smoothly across the essay using effective transitional phrases.

Next step

Refine cohesive devices slightly to avoid minor mechanical repetitions across paragraph openers.

LR

Lexical Resource

7.0
Scoring rule

A wide range of sophisticated and natural vocabulary is used effectively, though several noticeable spelling typos are present.

Next step

Carefully proofread the final draft to correct typos such as 'arcoss', 'wroking', 'lonliness', and 'accumalated'.

GRA

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

7.0
Scoring rule

A good variety of complex sentence structures is demonstrated with overall clear control, despite occasional minor grammatical inaccuracies.

Next step

Pay attention to word formation and verb complementation, such as avoiding errors like 'uncapable' or 'make people working'.

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IELTS Writing Task 2

Some people believe that it is a good idea to continue to work at their old age. Do you agree or disagree?

Your response

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