Some people think that it is a good idea for people to continue working in their old age.
Sample Response
Some people believe that it is a good idea for people to continue working in their old age. I largely agree, because this gives elderly people a waygives elder people ways to spend their time and gives them some economic supportecnomic helps. But we still need to considernotice the balance of the number of employees of young people and elder people in the companies.
To begin with, it is a great way for elder people to spend their time. In other wordsword, if people continue working in their old ageages, they will have a goal for their days, they know what to do. For example, if elderly people stay at home after retiringif elder people retired at home without a job, they might just watch TV or sleep all day.all the day. This is not only very boring for the old people, but also bad for their health, due to a prolonged lack of exercise.due to long time lacking excersice. Besides, working can also give elder people salaries. Elder people can just use this money to improve their life qualities, rangingrange from what they wear to what they eat. All in all, there are many benefits for people to continue working in their old age.
However, there is also a problem that if there are more and more elder people keep working in their old age, how young people will find their jobs? For example, a company has 3000 employees, and the total workforcetotal number of that won't change. When there are more and more elder people, it becomes harder and harderit become harder and harde for the young people to join the company,to go to the company, because the total number of the employees won't change. But this problem is much easiereasiser to solve. If the company can provide more jobs, or they can divide their jobs into two types, one for elder people, and the other for young people. This problem can be solvedsloved easily.
In conclusion, I largely agree that it is a great idea for people to continue working in their old age, which can not only provide them with a way to spend their time, but also give thembut also can give them some extra money to improve their life qualities, as longsoon as we can balance the number of employees of young people and elder people in companies.
Why this response received Band 6.0
The essay presents a clear opinion in response to the prompt and supports main points with relevant explanation and concrete examples. However, language errors and occasional mechanical transitions reduce the overall clarity and impact of the response. Prioritizing accurate vocabulary choices and revising complex sentence structures will help elevate the work to a higher standard.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The main position is clearly stated and supported with relevant arguments regarding activity levels, income, and job availability.
Develop arguments more fully by providing deeper analysis of counterarguments rather than brief hypothetical solutions.
Coherence and Cohesion
Paragraphing is logical and ideas generally follow a coherent sequence throughout the essay.
Use a wider variety of cohesive devices instead of relying on repetitive transition words.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is sufficient to convey the intended meaning, though minor errors in word choice and spelling are noticeable.
Focus on correct word collocations, such as using 'elderly people' or 'older workers' instead of 'elder people'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex sentence structures is used, but grammatical mistakes and awkward phrasings occur frequently.
Practice subject-verb agreement and conditional clause structures to increase sentence accuracy.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people think that it is a good idea for people to continue working in their old age.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.