Some people think that it is a good idea for people to continue working in their old age.
Sample Response
Some people believe that it is a good idea for people to continue working in their old age. I largely agree with this view because working provides older people with purposeful daily activitygives older people a way to spend their time and provides them with some financial support. However, we still need to pay attention to the balance between the number of young and older employees in companies.
To begin with, working helps seniors stay mentally active and purposefulis a great way for older people to spend their time. In other words, if people continue working in their old age, they will have a goal in their daily lives and maintain a clear sense of purposeknow what to do. For example, if elderly people retire and stay at home without a job, they might just watch TV or sleep all day. This is not only very boring for older people, but also bad for their health because of a long-term lack of exercise. FurthermoreBesides, working can also provide older people with an income. They can use this money to improve their quality of life, ranging from what they wear to what they eat. All in all, there are many benefits to continuing to work in old age.
However, there is also a problem. If more and more older people remain in the workforcekeep working in their old age, youth unemployment may rise as job opportunities become scarcer.how will young people find jobs? For example, if a company has 3,000 employees and the total number of employees does not change, it may become harder and harder for young people to get a job at the company when more older employees continue working. Nevertheless, this issueHowever, this problem is relatively easy to solve. Companies can provide more jobs or divide jobs into different types, with some positions being more suitable for older people and others being more suitable for young people. In this way, this concern can be effectively mitigated.the problem can be solved more easily.
In conclusion, I largely agree that it is a good idea for people to continue working in their old age. Working can not only provide them with a meaningful way to spend their time, but also give them some extra money to improve their quality of life, as long as we can maintain a reasonable balance between young and older employees in companies.
Why this response received Band 7.0
The essay presents a clear, well-supported opinion that addresses all parts of the prompt with effective organization and good grammatical accuracy. The main limitation is the use of somewhat repetitive phrasing and straightforward vocabulary throughout the body paragraphs. To improve, focus on integrating more varied, advanced vocabulary and refining sentence structures for a more sophisticated academic tone.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The candidate presents a clear position throughout the essay and thoroughly develops main ideas with relevant examples and solutions.
Elaborate further on the societal or economic benefits beyond personal routine and basic income to deepen the arguments.
Coherence and Cohesion
Paragraphing is logical and ideas progress smoothly from one paragraph to the next using clear cohesive devices.
Vary transition signals beyond basic markers like 'To begin with' and 'For example' to create more seamless flow.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is used appropriately and accurately to convey meaning, though some language choices remain slightly repetitive and basic.
Incorporate a wider range of topic-specific collocations and academic synonyms to enhance lexical resource.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A good variety of complex structures is used with high accuracy and control over grammar and punctuation.
Attempt more complex clauses and sophisticated sentence openings while maintaining error-free execution.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people think that it is a good idea for people to continue working in their old age.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.