Recent figures show an increase in violent crime among youngsters under the age of 18. Some psychologists claim that the basic reason for this is that children these days are not getting the social and emotional learning they need from parents and teachers. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this option?
Sample Response
Nowadays, an alarming problem is that violent crime rates have increased considerably, particularly among young people under 18. To me, I strongly agree that lack of educationeducating from parents is the main reason forof this situation. This essayThis below essay will clearly explain my viewanalyse clearly my view. The first reason that can be easily seen is that in modern life, parents spend almost all their time workingparents almost spend their time on working to earn money. Obviously, there is less time to take care of and supervise their children carefully. In additionaddtion, the gap between parents and childrengap between parents and children has widenedhave been expanded; so these children have rarely had the chance to sharehad chances to share their feelings to their parents or to learnas well as learned from family side. Moreover, there are plenty of negative influencesitems such as violent films, bad things from the InternetInternet of crime that surround themthat survive around us; without parents’ control, children have been influenced byon those things easily. Another factor that needs to be mentioned is that unstable marriages haveunstable marriage life have led to a surge in divorce rates. Having a broken family and lackshortage of love from both mother and father have distracted those youngsters from their studieshave caused distraction of those youngsters in their study and some significant negative effects on their psychological well-beingimpacts of their psychology. As a result, children with immature character have become more aggressive, behave rudely and particularly imitated violent film or plunged headlong into social evils. However, it is undeniable that parents areis not the only factor that leads to increase young violent crime percentage. Since it depends on conceit of these youngsters about protecting themselves from harmful impacts, In spite of dealing with the above sitiuation, some of those children have lived positively. Neverthless, from what has been considered above, parents have played a vital role to prevent growth in crime rates. In conclusion, personality development of chilren is unable to be perfect without supporting frome family side. Futhermore, a propriate nurture of parents not only has helped to drop crime in youngsters but also produced good citizens for our future.
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response maintains a clear opinion and presents several relevant links between family circumstances and youth crime. Its central weakness is that it concentrates almost entirely on parents, gives limited attention to social and emotional learning or teachers, and includes a confused counterpoint. The priority is to address the full claim directly, develop fewer causes more clearly, and edit persistent grammar and word-choice errors.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A consistent position and relevant parental causes are presented, but the full claim about social and emotional learning from parents and teachers is only partially addressed.
Explain explicitly how both parents and teachers provide the learning named in the question, using one developed example for each.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a recognisable introduction, body, counterpoint, and conclusion, but progression becomes unclear in the concession paragraph and linking is sometimes mechanical.
Give each paragraph one controlling idea and connect its supporting sentences through a clear cause-and-effect sequence.
Lexical Resource
There is enough vocabulary to discuss crime and family influence, but frequent spelling, word-form, and collocation errors make expression imprecise.
Replace memorised or awkward phrases with accurate combinations such as parental guidance, emotional support, and youth crime rates.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Meaning is generally recoverable, but frequent errors in agreement, verb forms, articles, prepositions, and sentence construction reduce accuracy.
Build shorter complete sentences and proofread every clause for subject-verb agreement and correct verb patterns.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Recent figures show an increase in violent crime among youngsters under the age of 18. Some psychologists claim that the basic reason for this is that children these days are not getting the social and emotional learning they need from parents and teachers. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this option?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.