Recent figures show an increase in violent crime among youngsters under the age of 18. Some psychologists claim that the basic reason for this is that children these days are not getting the social and emotional learning they need from parents and teachers. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this option?
Sample Response
It does seem to be true that parents find teachers have lost the authority they used to have, especially in the eyes of teenagers. They are no longer seen as models for behaviour: hard work, politeness and other positive qualities are seen as old fashioned. Many young people have no respect for these qualities or the people who represent them. In fact, I think when young people today are so rebellious that it’s possible that both parents and teachers are afraid to exercise their authority. However, I do not agree that this is the basic reason for the increase in teenage violence.
While I believe it is true that a lack of social and emotional learning contributes to the problem. Other factors are surely involved: economic factors, for example. If a child comes from a poor family and they live in low-quality housing in all undesirable area, this is sure to affect the child, however loving the parents are.
There is also the question of who your friends are. I believe that when you are in your teens your friends have more influence on you than your parents or teachers. At that age, you want to be part of a group, or even a gang, and this might lead to breaking the law in a number of ways.
In conclusion, while I agree that lack of social and emotional learning from parents and teachers is a factor in the growth of teenage violence, I do not believe that it is the only or main cause.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Correct the conjunction Original: find Suggested revision: and Why it matters: The sentence coordinates two groups, so 'and' is required.
- 2. Keep subject structure clear Original: a child comes from a poor family and they live Suggested revision: a child comes from a poor family and lives Why it matters: The shared singular subject can govern both coordinated verbs directly.
- 3. Correct the article Original: all Suggested revision: an Why it matters: A singular countable noun requires the indefinite article 'an.'
- 4. Clarify the reference Original: this is sure Suggested revision: these circumstances are sure Why it matters: Naming the preceding circumstances makes the reference clearer.
- 5. Punctuate introductory clause Original: when you are in your teens your friends Suggested revision: when you are in your teens, your friends Why it matters: A comma should separate the introductory dependent clause from the main clause.
- 6. Use academic reference Original: you Suggested revision: teenagers Why it matters: Referring directly to teenagers avoids an informal shift to generic second person.
- 7. Clarify cause and actor Original: this might lead to breaking the law Suggested revision: this desire might lead them to break the law Why it matters: The revision gives 'this' a clear referent and identifies who may break the law.
- 8. Add the article Original: that lack of social and emotional learning Suggested revision: that a lack of social and emotional learning Why it matters: The countable use of 'lack' is more naturally introduced with 'a.'
- 9. Tighten the opening Original: It does seem to be true Suggested revision: It seems true Why it matters: The shorter form conveys the same cautious claim more directly.
- 10. Use natural collocation Original: seen as models for behaviour Suggested revision: seen as role models Why it matters: 'Role models' is the standard expression for people whose behaviour others may follow.
- 11. Choose a precise verb Original: represent Suggested revision: embody Why it matters: 'Embody' more precisely describes people who display these qualities.
- 12. Use natural phrasing Original: basic Suggested revision: main Why it matters: 'Main reason' is the natural expression for the most important cause.
Suggested Rewrites
- find and
- a child comes from a poor family and they live a child comes from a poor family and lives
- all an
- this is sure these circumstances are sure
- when you are in your teens your friends when you are in your teens, your friends
- you teenagers
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response presents a clear, consistent position and supports it with relevant alternative causes, especially poverty and peer influence. Its main limitation is that several points are asserted briefly, while a few malformed or incomplete sentences interrupt an otherwise fluent argument. The best improvement would be to extend each causal example by showing exactly how it may lead to violence and to proofread complex sentences for completeness.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The task is directly addressed through a clear partial-disagreement position and relevant discussion of parental, economic, and peer influences.
Extend the economic and peer-pressure arguments with one further explanatory step linking each factor specifically to violent behaviour.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through well-focused paragraphs, with generally effective referencing and linking despite one disrupted transition.
Integrate the concessive point about social and emotional learning into a complete sentence so the second paragraph opens smoothly.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied and generally precise, with effective language for authority, behaviour, poverty, and peer influence.
Refine occasional awkward choices and phrasing so every expression is natural and exact in context.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses a good range of complex structures, but several clause-boundary and sentence-construction errors reduce overall control.
Proofread concessive and subordinate clauses to ensure each is attached to a complete main clause and punctuated correctly.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Recent figures show an increase in violent crime among youngsters under the age of 18. Some psychologists claim that the basic reason for this is that children these days are not getting the social and emotional learning they need from parents and teachers. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this option?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.