Recent figures show an increase in violent crime among youngsters under the age of 18. Some psychologists claim that the basic reason for this is that children these days are not getting the social and emotional learning they need from parents and teachers. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this option?
Sample Response
Nowadays, it is all but impossible to open a newspaper without articles on adolescent crimes. There has been a dramatic increase in their number and brutality. Some psychologists claim that it is the consequence of insufficient emotional and social teaching from parents and teachers, with which I strongly agree. It is a fact that emotional and social teaching plays a large part in the psychological development of a youngster. As a result, any education that leaves it out will result in emotionally insecure students who are likely to be wrongdoers. Halfway through the process of growing up, virtually every adolescent endures deep psychological changes which may cause depression, rebelliousness, etc. In some cases which those negative feelings are not sensitively handled, then comes a time when adolescents starts to feel disaffected to the society and resort to violating social principles, sowing the seeds of crimes. Teaching on emotions and social relationships will help young citizens be immune to such deeds by helping them control feelings and keeping them in touch with the community. At the same time, many a people argue that the causes of the growing number of youngster criminals are much more complicated as many factors are to blame: violent TV programs, bad materials on the Internet or even the adolescent’s personalities. Be that as it may, emotional and social teaching is meaned to help adolescents be immune to criminality. Will a bad-tempered boy kill someone in a fit of anger if he knows how to control his temper or it is a terrible thing to do? One example of IVS is included to support my point. IVS is a boarding school which has a reputation for making many bad students, potential criminals, turn over a new leaf. Its teachers give a simple explanation for its success: bad behaviours stem from the ignorance of surrounding people’s feelings and lack of care whose elimination will put an end to the students’ wrong attitudes and that is what the teachers give them by means of the teaching. All in all, the lack of emotional and social teaching explains the present wave of adolescent crimes. Let us hope when educational reforms with emphasis on educating good, rather than knowledgeable, students and parents are more aware of the needs of such teaching, crimes will reduce and our society will become safer.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural collocation Original: articles on adolescent crimes Suggested revision: articles on juvenile crime Why it matters: The mass noun phrase is more natural when referring to youth offending generally.
- 2. Clarify the reference Original: their number and brutality Suggested revision: the number and severity of these crimes Why it matters: The pronoun has no clear plural antecedent, and severity is the appropriate measure for crime.
- 3. Clarify the subject Original: it is the consequence Suggested revision: this increase is a consequence Why it matters: The replacement gives the clause a clear subject and uses the article appropriately.
- 4. Use precise reference Original: a youngster Suggested revision: young people Why it matters: The plural form better supports the general claim about adolescent development.
- 5. Avoid vague ending Original: depression, rebelliousness, etc. Suggested revision: depression and rebelliousness Why it matters: Replacing the vague abbreviation makes the list more precise and suitably formal.
- 6. Correct the preposition Original: on Suggested revision: about Why it matters: Teaching is about a subject rather than on it in this context.
- 7. Use accurate wording Original: immune to such deeds Suggested revision: less likely to commit such acts Why it matters: People cannot literally be immune to actions, so the replacement expresses the intended reduced likelihood.
- 8. Fix the quantifier Original: many a people Suggested revision: many people Why it matters: Many a requires a singular noun, whereas people is plural.
- 9. Use natural noun phrase Original: youngster Suggested revision: young Why it matters: Young criminals is the standard expression for offenders in this age group.
- 10. Choose precise vocabulary Original: bad materials Suggested revision: harmful content Why it matters: Harmful content precisely describes damaging online material.
- 11. Fix number agreement Original: the adolescent’s personalities Suggested revision: adolescents’ personalities Why it matters: The general reference requires a plural possessive noun.
- 12. Use correct participle Original: meaned Suggested revision: intended Why it matters: Meaned is not the past participle used for this meaning.
Suggested Rewrites
- articles on adolescent crimes articles on juvenile crime
- their number and brutality the number and severity of these crimes
- it is the consequence this increase is a consequence
- a youngster young people
- depression, rebelliousness, etc. depression and rebelliousness
- on about
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response maintains a clear position and develops a convincing link between inadequate social-emotional education and youth crime, supported by explanation and an illustrative school example. Its main weakness is control: the absence of paragraphing and recurrent awkward grammar and collocations make a generally logical argument less polished. Prioritise dividing the reasoning into purposeful paragraphs and revising sentence structures for accuracy and clarity.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear agreement position is sustained and supported with relevant causal explanation and an example, although some claims are broad or insufficiently substantiated.
Qualify absolute claims and explain the evidence behind the school example more precisely to make the argument more convincing.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through causes, counterarguments, and an example, but presenting the entire response as one paragraph weakens organisation and readability.
Separate the introduction, main arguments, counterargument, example, and conclusion into purposeful paragraphs with clearer internal topic focus.
Lexical Resource
A good range of topic-specific and less common vocabulary conveys the argument clearly, despite recurring awkward collocations and word-form choices.
Replace inaccurate combinations such as social teaching and youngster criminals with natural academic collocations, and check word forms carefully.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses varied complex structures, but frequent agreement, relative-clause, article, and sentence-construction errors reduce control without usually obscuring meaning.
Edit each complex sentence for subject-verb agreement and clause structure, especially sentences containing relative clauses or multiple linked ideas.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Recent figures show an increase in violent crime among youngsters under the age of 18. Some psychologists claim that the basic reason for this is that children these days are not getting the social and emotional learning they need from parents and teachers. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this option?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.