The graph shows Japanese average monthly salary (Yen) from 1953 to 1973, and the prices of black and white Television and colored Television during the same period.
Sample Response
The line graph shows data on the changes in the monthly income of Japanese people and the prices of two types of television during the twentythirty-year period from 1953 to 19731983.
In general, the amount of money they earned increased considerably, whereas the prices of televisionsthe price of television followed the opposite trend. In addition, color televisions cost much more than black and white ones.
In 1953, the income of the Japanese was about 30 thousand yenjust below 20 thousand yen per month. Meanwhile, the price of a black-and-white televisionprice for black and white television was 100110 thousand yen, which was just over three times as high asapproximately five times as high as the average salary. However, by 1963after a decade, there was an increase to around 60 thousand yena steady growth of around 5 thousand yen in how much money they earned, while the amount they paid for television fell to around 60 thousand yensaw a plunge to 40 thousand yen. In 1958Also in this year, color television first appeared in the datastarted to be sold in Japan at 180100 thousand yen.
The prices of the two types of television became much more affordable during the rest of the period. The cost of color television plummeted to about 90 thousand yennearly 55 thousand yen, compared to about 3525 thousand yen of black and white models. The figures continued to drop gradually to just under 50 thousand yen and 20 thousand yen respectively in 1983. The monthly salary, on the other hand, witnessed a substantial rise to 30 thousand yen and overtook the cost of black and white TVs in 1973. After that, it soared to around 65 thousand yen in 1983.
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response is fluent, logically organised, and uses a strong range of comparative language. However, it misreads the time span as ending in 1983 and reports numerous values and milestones that do not appear in the graph, so the detailed description is largely unreliable despite a broadly correct trend overview. Recheck the axes and plot every reported year and figure before drafting, then select only the major accurate comparisons.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The broad rise in salary and fall in television prices are recognised, but the period and most supporting figures are seriously inaccurate.
Use the actual 1953–1973 timeline and accurately report the key values, including salary rising from 30 to 180 thousand yen.
Coherence and Cohesion
The overview and two detail paragraphs create clear progression, with comparisons linked smoothly throughout.
Organise the detail around the graph's actual time points so the otherwise strong progression also supports accurate coverage.
Lexical Resource
A flexible range of trend and comparison vocabulary is used naturally, with only occasional awkward phrasing.
Prefer precise noun phrases such as the price of a black-and-white television and avoid attributing unsupported events such as sales beginning.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex sentences and comparison structures are varied and generally well controlled, with few non-impeding errors.
Polish article use and noun modification in phrases referring to television types and prices.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The graph shows Japanese average monthly salary (Yen) from 1953 to 1973, and the prices of black and white Television and colored Television during the same period.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.