The bar chart below shows the percentage participation of men in senior development in three companies between 1980 and the year 2010.
Sample Response
The bar chartprovided bar graph compares the percentage of men in senior development positionscompares the number of male senior developers in three companiesthree major software companies namely IBM, Microsoft and Apple between 1980 and 2010. OverallAs is presented in the graph, initiallyInitially Apple had the largest percentage of men in senior development positionssenior development employees but by 2010after 30 years IBM employed the largest percentage of such employees. In 1980As is presented in the bar graph, initially in 1980, IBM had a figure of less than 3%less than 3% senior male developers while Microsoft had 8% and Apple had about 15% such senior developers. By 1990After a decade, in 1990 to be exact, the percentage of senior male developers became almost the same for these companies. In 1995, IBM's figurethe percentage of senior male employees in IBM became the highest and IBM's figure continued to risethis kept on increasing till 2010. Finally, in 2010, IBM recorded the highest figure, at more than 60%IBM had the largest percentage of such employees making more than 60% compared with 45% for Microsoft and about 25% for Applewhile Microsoft had 45% and Apple had about 25% of such senior developers. In summary, the number of male senior developers increased in all three companiesin all the three companies but the increases for IBM and Microsoft were far greater than Apple'sthe rate of increase in IBM and Microsoft were far higher than Apple.
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response accurately identifies the main shift from Apple’s early lead to IBM’s dominant final position and supports it with several correct comparisons. Its main limitation is selective coverage: the 1985 and 2000 data are omitted, and the chart’s percentages are sometimes described as employee numbers. Prioritise a more complete comparison of intermediate years while maintaining precise percentage-based language.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
A clear overview and several accurate figures capture the main change, although the 1985 and 2000 data are omitted and percentages are sometimes called numbers.
Compare the key intermediate movements, especially Apple’s fluctuations and Microsoft’s plateau, while consistently describing percentage participation.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information progresses logically from the overview to selected details, but the single-paragraph presentation and repeated framing make cohesion less effective.
Separate the overview from the detail paragraph and replace repeated phrases such as ‘As is presented’ with more natural linking.
Lexical Resource
The response uses an adequate range of trend and comparison vocabulary, with occasional imprecision and repetition around numbers, percentages, and employees.
Use precise chart terminology and vary comparative expressions without repeatedly referring to ‘such senior developers’.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex sentences is generally well controlled, despite isolated capitalization, agreement, and phrasing errors.
Proofread subject-verb agreement and sentence-level phrasing, particularly constructions such as ‘the rate of increase ... were’ and ‘making more than 60%’.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The bar chart below shows the percentage participation of men in senior development in three companies between 1980 and the year 2010.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.