The graph below compares the number of visits to two new music sites on the web.
Sample Response
The given line graph compares the number of visitors onin two new music-related websites for a 15-day period15 days duration. As is observed from the graph, Pop Parade music site receivedmusic sites got more visitors than the other website except for the 12th to 13th day. On averageOn an average, the Pop Parade attracted more visitsgot more hits from visitors than Music choice website. Initially, Pop Parade got 120 thousand visitors on day 1 while the Music choice got around 40 thousand visitors on the same day. During the first weekFor the first 1 week, the number of hits on Pop Parade site declined and fellreached to less than 40 thousand on day 7. On the other hand, Music choice’s visitor count fluctuated and reached to 20 thousand on day 7seven. After day 9, Pop Parade’s visitors increased dramatically and reached to over 140 thousand on day 11. Meanwhile, the hitsWhile the hits on Music Choice website increased to 120 thousand on day 12. On the last three days, both of the websites got a good number of visitors. Finally, on day 15th, the Music choice website’s number of visitorsvisitors’ number reached to around 80 thousand while that number reached to over 165 thousand for the other website.
OverallIn conclusion, the Pop Parade had been more successful than the Music choice in terms of visitor count and both sites showed fluctuation on their visitor count.
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response clearly identifies Pop Parade as the more popular site overall and tracks several important fluctuations in a logical chronological sequence. However, repetitive or informal wording, recurring grammatical slips, and an unnecessary conclusion make the account less precise and polished. Prioritise replacing the conclusion with a concise end-point comparison, while using more natural trend vocabulary and checking articles, plurals, prepositions, and sentence boundaries.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The response captures the main contrast between Pop Parade and Music Choice and reports several important fluctuations accurately. Some figures are approximate and the conclusion repeats the overview rather than adding a new key comparison.
Emphasize the sharp Pop Parade peaks on days 11, 14, and 15 and the brief Music Choice lead around days 12-13.
Coherence and Cohesion
The answer is organized chronologically and has an overview, but some sequencing is mechanical and the final conclusion is not necessary for Task 1.
Replace the conclusion with a concise final comparison of the two sites' end-of-period visitor levels.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary communicates the data, but phrases such as got more visitors, visitor count, and music-related websites are repetitive or informal.
Use terms such as attracted, visits, hits, fell, recovered, peaked, and fluctuated.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Grammar is generally understandable, with errors in plural nouns, articles, prepositions, and sentence boundaries.
Revise phrases like on average, a 15-day period, reached about, and the number of visitors.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The graph below compares the number of visits to two new music sites on the web.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.