Many people say that film stars, musicians and sports stars are highly paid whereas professionals of other important sectors are comparatively less paid. To what extent do you agree or disagree? In your opinion which types of job should be highly paid?
Sample Response
Nowadays, the pace of changechanges in the world of technology is amazing. This rapid changeThese speedy changes have led the entertainment industrylead entertainment industry to overtaketo become ahead of many sectors in our lives. The rapidly growing popularityA fastest growing popularity of stars in different fields is a controversial topic that is discussed almost everywhere in the world. In my viewTo my way of thinking, people who are becoming famousgetting fame in the 21st century are highly-paid workers.
On the one handIn one hand, I reckon that people are equal in every aspect and so are our professionsso as our professions. Owing to the fact that we can divide employment world into two sectors we will understand that professions that serve mass entertainment requirements and whose working process can be seen on television are highly profitable, compared to those who are working in offices for long hours. Consequently, people show them less respect. In fact, these kinds of professionals can be more beneficial for society as well as for government than those who are famous on televisionfamous from televisions. For instance, if we compare architects' salariesarchitects salary to famous musicians or pop stars' incomespop stars income we can vividly see a sharp difference between them. If a senior architect's whole year's income makes up approximately $70,000, a famous pop star can earn twice as much moneytwo times more money by performing in a single concert.
On the other handOn another hand, a vast majority of TV stars such as movie stars or even sports icons have appropriate financial rewards that accurately reflect their worksuit its working standards as well as their high professionalism. For instance, Emma Watson who is a worldwide famous star should have a high income. We cannot deny the fact that high financial rewards can encourage people to improve themselves professionallyin terms of career. Some people believe that this kind of attitude will lead our entertainment industry to industrial prosperity.
In conclusion, I would like to say that after discussing both sides of argument my sentiments are on par with the idea that entertainers who are famous from the blue screen should have equal financial rewards as people working at other important sectors.
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response offers relevant contrasts between celebrities and other professionals and gives concrete examples to support both perspectives. Its main limitation is an insufficiently clear position: the discussion moves from favouring socially valuable professionals to defending entertainers and finally proposes equal rewards, while the second question is only partly addressed. State a consistent view early and directly identify and justify which occupations merit high pay.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response addresses the pay disparity and presents relevant ideas, but its position shifts and the occupations that should be highly paid are not directly developed.
Give a clear answer to both questions in the introduction, then support one consistent position with reasons for specific deserving professions.
Coherence and Cohesion
The broad two-sided structure is understandable, although progression is weakened by mechanical linking and unclear connections between some claims and examples.
Use accurate transitions and topic sentences that make each paragraph's claim and its supporting example explicitly connected.
Lexical Resource
There is some topic-related range, but frequent inaccurate collocations and word choices make the expression unnatural and occasionally obscure.
Prioritise precise combinations such as 'earn fame,' 'benefit society,' and 'receive financial rewards' instead of forcing less familiar phrases.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response attempts varied sentence structures, but frequent errors with articles, agreement, possessives, and clause formation reduce control.
Build clearer sentences around one main clause and systematically check articles, subject-verb agreement, and possessive forms.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Many people say that film stars, musicians and sports stars are highly paid whereas professionals of other important sectors are comparatively less paid. To what extent do you agree or disagree? In your opinion which types of job should be highly paid?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.