Some people think that cultural traditions may be destroyed when they are used as money-making attractions. Others believe it is the only way to save these traditions. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Sample Response
The preservation of cultural traditions is a matter of great importance and has sparked a debate regarding whether their monetizationthe monetization of them leads to their destruction or serves as the only way to safeguard these cultural traditionsvaluable aspects of heritage. This essay will examine both perspectives and argue thatargue in favour of the opinion that cultural traditions may be jeopardized when they are exploited for commercial gain.
On the one hand, proponents of using cultural traditions as money-making attractions argue that this approach provides a viable means to preserve these customspreserve and safeguard these customs in an increasingly globalized and commercialized world. Revenue generated by cultural tourismEconomic benefits generated from cultural tourism can contribute to the conservation and restoration of cultural sites and artefacts, ensuring their longevity for future generations. For example, entrance fees to historical monuments can fund restoration and maintenance projectsrestoration projects and maintenance, preventing the degradationdecay and degradation of these cultural treasures. Moreover, financial support from tourism revenue may enable local communities to invest in educational initiatives and cultural programmes, fostering pride in and awareness of their heritagea sense of pride and awareness about their heritage.
On the other hand, many individuals strongly believe that using cultural traditions commerciallycommercially utilizing cultural traditions puts these cultural practicesthese cherished practices and customs at risk of losing their authenticity and significance. When cultural elements are commodified for tourism or entertainmentfor the sake of tourism or entertainment, there is a tendency to modify or sensationalize them to appeal to a broader audience. As a result, the essence and deeper meanings of these traditions may become diluted or distorted, eroding their authenticity and cultural value. For instance, traditional rituals and ceremonies performed as mere spectacles for tourists may lose their spiritual significance, reducing respectleading to a loss of respect for these once-sacred practices. Moreover, the true traditional aspects of an area may be diluted and contaminated with the presence of tourists from many different areas of the world as they all bring their own traditions and cultural aspects with them.
In my opinion, the commercialisation of traditions indeed putsput them in danger. Rather thanSo rather than exploiting cultural traditions solely for monetary gain, ensuring their preservation and value should be given greater priorityget more priority.
In conclusion, the debate over using cultural traditions as money-making attractions raises valid concerns about the potential erosion of their authenticity. I believe that authorities should make sure that a nation's cultural traditionsthe traditions and cultures of a nation do not diminish for the sake of tourism revenueforeign remittance.
Why this response received Band 7.5
The response discusses both perspectives clearly, maintains a consistent opinion, and develops the funding and authenticity arguments with relevant examples. Its main limitation is that the claim about tourists contaminating local traditions is vague and insufficiently justified, while the opinion paragraph largely repeats the preceding case. The highest-priority improvement is to replace that weak claim with a precise mechanism or example and develop the proposed preservation approach.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views are addressed and the writer's opinion is clear, with good development overall but one vague claim and a briefly stated personal position.
Develop the opinion with a specific preservation model and replace the unsupported contamination claim with a clear causal explanation.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay follows a clear progression and uses effective paragraphing, although the short opinion paragraph and conclusion partly repeat earlier material.
Integrate the personal evaluation more fully into the discussion and use the conclusion to synthesize rather than restate the main claim.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied and appropriately academic, but several expressions, including 'monetization of them', 'get more priority', and 'foreign remittance', lack natural precision.
Choose idiomatic collocations and avoid loaded or vague terms when describing cultural change and tourism revenue.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response demonstrates a broad range of generally accurate complex structures, with occasional agreement and construction errors.
Check subject-verb agreement and clause structure in sentences such as 'the commercialisation of traditions indeed put them in danger'.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people think that cultural traditions may be destroyed when they are used as money-making attractions. Others believe it is the only way to save these traditions. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.