Some people believe that entertainers are paid too much and their impact on society is negative, while others disagree and believe that they deserve the money that they make because of their positive effects on society. Discuss both opinions and give your own opinion.
Sample Response
The entertainment industry is a major sectorone of the largest sectors around the worldin all around the world. Some think that people working in that industrythe people who work in that industry earn too much money given their negative influenceconsidering their bad influence on society, and I agree. Others, however, believe that their positive impact on others is commensurate with their earningsworth the money that they are paid.
On the one hand, there is no doubt that show business is an enormous and unfairly well paid sector. In addition to that, its membersmembers of it do not add real value, compared to other workers, such as educatorsothers like, for instance, education workers. Although in some countries teachers live with unreasonable wages, their responsibility, is extremely valuable for next generations become better people. Whereas a singer can earn double their yearly salary from one concert. The other important point is, for a balanced and equal society, the difference between income levels must not be very high. Regardless ofthan their contribution, no one should make billions of dollars sothat easily, because that imbalance hasthat imbalance does have a significant negative impact on societies.
On the other hand, some people think that entertainers’ contribution to modern lifecontribution to the modern life is worth the money they earn. It can be understood that for many people, watching a movie or going to a concert is impossible to replace with other activitiesirreplaceable with other activities; therefore, they think that their positive impact is significantcrucial for a significant proportion of people. In addition to that, celebrities do sacrifice their privacy and freedom by becoming well knowncompromise their privacy and freedom with being known by many others. In exchange forof that, they do deserve a comfortable life with significantly higher incomesbetter paychecks.
In conclusion, despite their minimal contribution of their work to societycontribution with their work to the people and sacrifice of their private livessacrifice from their private life; I believe that their impact is far from being positive and they are not paid at a level that is fair or balanced relative to othersnot paid fairly or balanced with others.
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response maintains a clear opinion and gives both perspectives a distinct paragraph, so the central argument is easy to follow. Its main limitation is that several ideas are asserted or expressed imprecisely, while frequent grammatical and collocational problems weaken clarity. The highest-priority improvement is to develop each claim with a specific explanation or example and then edit sentences for complete structures and natural phrasing.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views and a clear personal position are presented, but several supporting claims remain general or only partly developed.
Support each main claim with a concrete example or a fuller explanation of its social effect.
Coherence and Cohesion
The four-paragraph structure is logical and progression is generally clear, though linking is sometimes mechanical and a sentence fragment interrupts the flow.
Use referencing and logical transitions more naturally, and connect dependent clauses to complete sentences.
Lexical Resource
The response shows enough range to discuss pay, social value, and celebrity privacy, but awkward collocations and word choices recur.
Replace unnatural combinations such as references to unreasonable wages or compromise with being known with precise, idiomatic alternatives.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex forms is attempted, but frequent errors in clause structure, prepositions, punctuation, and agreement reduce control.
Prioritize complete sentence construction and systematically check prepositions, articles, and clause boundaries during editing.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people believe that entertainers are paid too much and their impact on society is negative, while others disagree and believe that they deserve the money that they make because of their positive effects on society. Discuss both opinions and give your own opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.