Governments should support care vs finance for retired people while others believe that they should save money when they get older. Discuss both views and give your opinion?
Sample Response
It is true that elderly people who have retired are in great need of care and financial support. Although I accept that the government should look after and financially support them, they need to have their own savings because the national budget is insufficient to coverdoes not suffice to pay for everything each citizen needs throughout their livesin their life.
On the one hand, it is necessary for the government to provide care and financial aid for retired citizens because each of them has contributed to societyeach of them has certain contributions to society. Economically, some people contribute to the national budgetenrich the national budget through the taxes they pay, while others spend money on goodscommodities and services when they shopwhen going shopping, which allows businesses to earn profits and pay taxes as well. Such taxes can be used by the authorities to develop their country, such as building hospitals, and pay for officials like police officers or politicians. To compensate them for their contributions during their working livesAs a way of compensation for their devotion in their youth, the government ought to offer the elderly financial assistancemoney-related assistance and care services, for example, regular free health checkupsregular free-of-charge health checkup.
On the other hand, the elderly should not entirely rely on government supportthe governmental support as this can cause a heavyhuge financial burden on the state budget. However wealthy a country maycan be, it can hardly satisfy all its citizens' needseach of their people’s demands, so every individual in society should save their own money to cover their non-essential expenses. Without savingsa sum of savings, they would face considerable difficultya lot of difficulties when they need to pay forwhen they need to afford entertainment or new clothesnew fashion items. It is not advisable for the government to spend excessive public spendingexcessive amounts of money on public welfare as this will reduce the funds available to addressthis will harm the budget used to solve pressing social issues such as environmental pollution or the housing crisis.
In conclusion, I believe the government should assist retirees with money and take care of them, but it is each retiree that needs to save certain amounts of money to stay financially independent.
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response’s strongest feature is its balanced, clearly organized discussion, supported by a consistent position that combines public provision with personal responsibility. The main limitation is that some supporting points, particularly about tax contributions and non-essential spending, are less focused or persuasive than the central argument. The highest priority is to sharpen the relevance and depth of examples while polishing occasional awkward collocations and grammatical imprecision.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views are addressed and the writer’s balanced opinion is clear throughout, with generally relevant development on each side.
Make each supporting example more directly persuasive, especially the explanation of personal savings and retirees’ non-essential expenses.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument follows a clear, balanced progression, with well-controlled paragraphing and cohesive links.
Refine reference words and internal transitions so every supporting sentence connects even more precisely to its paragraph’s central claim.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a flexible range of topic-specific vocabulary, with occasional awkward or imprecise combinations.
Polish collocations such as have contributions and governmental support to make the language consistently natural and exact.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Varied complex sentences are generally accurate and easy to follow, despite a few errors in parallelism, articles, and pronoun agreement.
Check parallel structures and agreement in longer sentences, particularly where examples or concessive clauses are added.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Governments should support care vs finance for retired people while others believe that they should save money when they get older. Discuss both views and give your opinion?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.