It is more important for schoolchildren to learn about local history than world history. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
Teaching history tofor schoolchildren has long been a heated topichas been a heated topic constantly. There is a common belief that local history is more important to children than world history. However, I disagree with this belief.
I believe the notion that local history is more valuable than world history should be rejected. Some people may claim that the insights into the local historical values are completely enough for one to live. Their claim could be true a few decades ago when most interpersonal communicationcommunications were between people of the same race and origin. However, this view is now outdated, as the world has become globalised, and international business and migrant workers have made any community a global village. In this context, an understanding of a foreign country’s history would enable future workersfuture local workers to strengthen their relationships with expatriatesreinforce the relationship between them and the expatriates from that country.
In addition, I am strongly convinced that children would benefit most whenchildren would benefit the most only when local history is studied alongside world historythe learning of local history is placed parallel to that of world history. To understand a local historical event, children should consider the regional and sometimes global context of that historical eraput the regional and sometimes even world context in that historical era into consideration. For example, children should acknowledge that the event that Vietnam regained its independence after defeating the Japanese troops in Indochina in 1945 only happened after a series of relevant events in the World War II, one of which is the surrender of Japan to the Allies. By learning in this wayIn this way of learning, children would understand history more deeply and thoroughly.
All the existing data has provided a concrete foundation that the study of local history should always be parallel to that of world history. This practice would guarantee that children learn history more comprehensively and be able to tighten the bond with migrant workers in their country.
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response’s strongest feature is a clear position developed through two substantial arguments, especially the explanation of how world history supplies context for local events. Its main limitation is occasional unnatural phrasing and a few overgeneralised claims that reduce precision. The highest-priority improvement is to refine collocations and qualify broad assertions while preserving the essay’s strong logical structure and relevant supporting example.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The essay maintains a clear disagreement and develops two relevant, well-supported reasons for studying world history alongside local history.
Qualify broad claims about globalisation and interpersonal relations to make the argument more measured and persuasive.
Coherence and Cohesion
Paragraphing is purposeful and the argument progresses coherently from international interaction to the contextual value of world history.
Tighten the conclusion so it synthesises the reasoning without introducing the unsupported phrase all the existing data.
Lexical Resource
The response demonstrates a broad academic vocabulary, but several collocations such as placed parallel and tighten the bond sound unnatural.
Use more idiomatic combinations such as taught alongside, understand in context, and strengthen relationships.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex sentences are frequent and generally well controlled, with only occasional article, tense, and coordination errors.
Check article use and parallel verb structures, particularly in long sentences containing several dependent clauses.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
It is more important for schoolchildren to learn about local history than world history. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.