More and more people these days work harder and longer hours and have no time for family life and friends. What are the causes in your opinion for this? How is it affecting family life and the society as a whole? Use relevant examples to support your view.
Sample Response
Nowadays, people are working harder than ever and have longer working hours. This kind of living has negatively affected their family and social life. There are several factors that cause the situation and the following essay will discuss them in detaildetails. For a number of reasons, people in general work harder these days, as can be seenas it can be seen from their long working hours. Firstly, it is due to the intense job competitiontough working competition these days. For a single job position, hundreds of people are competing and the private organisations are firing employees due to performance issuesissue all the time. Further, as business has become more competitive, many companies have set higher targetsa bigger target, a tighter budget and stricter deadlines. Consequently, the work volume has become higher and employees need to spend more time for completing their workworks. Secondly, it is believed that we are living in a materialistic and hedonistic worldthe materialistic and hedonic world nowadays. People are respected based on their assets, position and power and therefore a lot of people choosechose to focus on their career and work overtime. As people choose to spend more hours in their workplace, it has negatively affected their family and social life. One of the cases is that many parents abandon their children as they are busy working. Some of the children feel ignored by their parents and this has a serious psychological effect, while other children become addicted to video games or even drugs. In another case, it is reported that long working hours have affected the divorce ratehave affected to the divorce rate. Many young couples chose to focus on their careers and have less time for their spouse. As a result, both of them lack proper communication and emotional connectionlack the proper communication and relationship which are crucial for maintaining a happy and healthy relationship. Furthermore, family tiesthe family tie is not as strong as it used to be and this is a serious issue that our society is facing these days. People have a sedentary lifestyle and unhealthy diets due to their busy corporate life. They have little time for exercise or outdoor activities and this is degrading the overall health of people. In conclusion, it is true that people have become more ambitious with their careers these days, as they spend longer hours at work. On the one hand, I could understand the situation as business competition has become tighter and some people want to maintain their lifestyle. However, many people do not realise that it has some negative effects on their family and social life. Many of their children have become depressed and the divorce rate has increased rapidly in the past few years. Therefore I personally believe that we should have a balanced life between workworks and family.
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response addresses both causes and consequences with relevant examples and a generally clear movement from workplace pressures to family and social effects. Its main weakness is an overloaded single-paragraph structure, compounded by repetitive phrasing and recurring language errors; prioritise dividing the argument into focused paragraphs, then develop fewer examples more precisely and edit noun forms, prepositions, and work-life collocations.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The essay answers the causes and effects parts with relevant ideas, but some examples are general and the response could be more concise.
Develop fewer examples more deeply and separate family effects from wider social effects.
Coherence and Cohesion
The sequence from causes to effects is clear, but the essay is one long paragraph with overloaded sentences.
Add visible paragraph breaks and topic sentences for causes, family effects, social effects, and conclusion.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is adequate and sometimes precise, but there are awkward collocations and repeated work-family phrases.
Use collocations such as job insecurity, heavy workload, family bonds, and work-life balance.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Grammar is mostly understandable, but articles, plural forms, prepositions, and tense choices cause repeated errors.
Edit noun form and preposition accuracy, especially after affect and due to.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
More and more people these days work harder and longer hours and have no time for family life and friends. What are the causes in your opinion for this? How is it affecting family life and the society as a whole? Use relevant examples to support your view.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.