Countries with long average working time are more economically successful, but they are also likely to suffer from negative social consequences. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
It is sometimes asserted that a country might benefit economicallyeconomically benefit from its citizens working longer hours; however,hours, however there are far-reaching repercussions at the societal level. I completely agree with this assertion as longer working hoursincreased time commitment can result in higher national outputelevated national gross product as well as certain social problems. To begin with, the main reason I agreethe rationale for my approval of the idea that a country’s economy is strongermore robust if people spend longer hours at work is the increase in its gross product. As people devote a significant part of their days fulfilling their work responsibilitiesto fulfill work responsibilities, they can produce greater outputa greater amount of output, which collectively contributes to growth incontributes to a growth in their countries’ wealth. An illustrative example is Japan, whereJapan where employees work an average ofaverage employees work at least 50 hours a week, a figure far higher than those reported in most other countriesa figure far higher than most other countries. This disparity has reportedly contributed to the exceptionally high GDPGDPs that have establishedregistered the country as one of the most powerful economies over the last decades. In addition, IIn addition, I also support the argument that countries are faced with several issues resulting from long working hoursprolonged working time. Chief among these is declining public healthChief of these is decreasing public health as working extra hours generally leadslead people to burnout while leaving them with little timeleaving them mostly no room for physical exercise. If this condition lingers on, they might experience health problems such as obesity, which placesplace a burden on national healthcare. Furthermore, overworked peopleoverly-occupied people might suffer from loneliness caused by the shortage of time for quality social interactions. Many professionals in China, for instance, are unable to take part in casual outingsdeficient in casual outings as they are required to work about 12 hours every day, severely affecting their social relationships. In conclusion, I am in complete agreement with the idea that longer commitment at work is beneficial to a country’s economic output, but also causes social issues including health problems and a sense of solitude. That is why countries should rather invest in technical initiatives to enhance productivity and allow their citizens to strike a balance between personal and professional lives.
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response is strongest in its clear agreement and sustained explanation of both economic output and social harm, with relevant cause-and-effect reasoning. Its main limitation is presentation as one dense paragraph, compounded by recurring unnatural collocations and a few agreement or clause-control errors. The highest-priority improvement is to separate the argument into purposeful paragraphs and edit imprecise phrases so the strong ideas are easier to follow and sound more natural.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The position is clear throughout, and both parts of the assertion are developed through explanations and examples.
Qualify the economic claim more carefully by acknowledging that longer hours do not automatically produce greater national prosperity.
Coherence and Cohesion
Logical sequencing and cohesive markers make the line of argument clear, but the entire response is presented as one undivided paragraph.
Use separate introduction, economic-effects, social-effects, and conclusion paragraphs to make the progression immediately visible.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a wide range of topic vocabulary, but recurring collocational choices such as decreasing public health and deficient in casual outings sound unnatural.
Prioritise idiomatic combinations such as declining public health, limited time for socialising, and investment in productivity-enhancing technology.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
There is a good variety of complex structures, although errors in punctuation, agreement, and clause construction occur without obscuring meaning.
Check comma use around however and ensure agreement in clauses such as health problems which place a burden on healthcare.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Countries with long average working time are more economically successful, but they are also likely to suffer from negative social consequences. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.