One of the consequences of improved medical care is that people are living longer and life expectancy is increasing. Do you think the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?
Sample Response
Modern medical facilities and research in the healthcare sector have brought miracles to the world. We have cures for deadly diseases, and researchers are working with our genes to prevent diseases even before we are born - marvellous indeed! As a result, people these days live longer. This trend has both positive and negative aspects. In my opinion, longer life expectancy offers far more advantages than disadvantagesdemerits.
Among the drawbacks of this trend, a higher life expectancy increases the ratio of senior citizens in a country and it requires a huge budget to support their healthcare and retirement. For instance, when older people constitute more than 35% of the total population in a country, its healthcare and retirement support budget increases by 60% compared to a country where the ratio of senior citizens is less than 20%. Moreover, an increasing proportionratio of senior citizens would mean a shrinking young workforcea shrinking young workforce for a country, and that has negative consequences foron national productivity and economic activityactivities.
On the other hand, as life expectancy increaseswith an increasing life expectancy, people these days remain more active and contribute to society even in their old age. As governments have raisedthe government has raised the retirement age, olderold people are no longer a burden but part of the active workforcea burden, but an active workforce. To cite an example, professors, researchers, lawmakers, writers and many other professionals have vast experience and cancould contribute even more in their old age. Thus, when a physicist discovers a groundbreaking theory in his or her 70s, we should thank advances in medical research and treatmentthe enhanced medical research and treatment. Finally, as the number of working parents is increasingheightening, grandparents are an important source of support for young childrenthe last hope for young children. Older people are doing us a favour by shouldering much of the family burdentaking most of our family burdens.
To conclude, thanks to the enhanced medical facilities for which we now live longer and be part of the progress. This increasedenhanced life expectancy is a blessing for the human race despite some drawbacks. So I wholeheartedly believe that the trend of enhanced life expectancy due to medical advancesadvancement has more merits than drawbacks.
Why this response received Band 7.5
The essay maintains a clear outweigh position, addresses fiscal and workforce drawbacks, and develops several social and economic benefits through relevant examples in a logical structure. Its main limitation is that the comparison between benefits and costs is more asserted than explicitly weighed, while some awkward collocations and grammatical lapses reduce polish. Prioritise a direct comparative judgment and refine the language around ageing populations, employment, childcare, and medical progress.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both disadvantages and advantages are substantially developed and the position remains clear, with relevant examples of older people's contributions.
Explicitly compare the scale and duration of social contributions with healthcare, pension, and workforce costs to justify the outweigh judgment.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay progresses logically through a clear introduction, drawbacks, advantages, and conclusion, with effective paragraphing and linking.
Connect the grandparents example more directly to the preceding economic argument so the benefits paragraph feels fully unified.
Lexical Resource
A broad vocabulary conveys demographic, fiscal, and social ideas effectively, though several collocations such as ratio of senior citizens and is heightening are unnatural.
Use ageing population, proportion of older people, rising number of working parents, and sharing family responsibilities.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A range of complex structures is generally well controlled, but occasional agreement, reference, tense, and clause-completion errors remain.
Rewrite the incomplete conclusion opening as Thanks to improved medical care, we can live longer and continue contributing to society.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
One of the consequences of improved medical care is that people are living longer and life expectancy is increasing. Do you think the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.