In multi-cultural societies, people of different cultural backgrounds live and work together. Do you think the advantages of multi-cultural societies outweigh the disadvantages?
Sample Response
Globalisation has brought the world closergiven the world to come closer and today we can experience several cultures livingstaying and working onat a common platform. A multicultural groupA multi-cultured group brings broader opportunities for learninga wider area of learning, celebration, and a goodwell living environment. However, it createsSimilarly it creates some resistance in the society because of a certain group of people who are bigotedcertain group of people being bigot. I think a place with people carrying so many cultures has greater benefits than drawbacksa enormous benefit than drawback. When several cultures come together we all feel happy to learnhappy in learning new languages. We participate in events and festivals. This brings people closerbrings people coming closer to each other and adopting new waysstyle of living and working. Some of the orthodox style are replaced by new and pragmatic way. For example, inIn India we had a brutal ritual of burning a woman whose husband had diedburning lady who lost her husband. This practice was opposed byThis was objected by the British empire first and later wasgot stopped. Similarly the language which is in demanded across the globe, been learnt by Indians. The advantage of it is very evident now. Having said that, mixed culture also creates many hindrancesa lots of hindrance mainly by the people in the society who are not open to learn and accept. BigotedBigot people are pivotal for such situation as they abhor others culture. They initiates and participates into a negative aspect of racism where people fight and in some instances becomes the reason of riots among different cultured groups. However this is only when we have more people with limited knowledge who are illiteratepeople with less knowledge and are illiterate. In, despite of some challenges which a mixed cultures can bring to the society can not overweight the benefits. The evolution of our race and the world we see today is the result of different cultures being together exchanging the knowledge and way of living.
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response has a clear position and offers relevant benefits, examples, and a counterargument, so its central message is easy to follow. Its main weakness is the combination of uneven idea development and persistent grammatical and collocational errors, especially in the discussion of disadvantages. The highest priority is to organise the argument into clear paragraphs and revise sentences for agreement, articles, and natural word combinations.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response addresses both advantages and disadvantages and maintains a clear view, although some supporting claims are general or only loosely connected to multiculturalism.
Develop each side with a clearly explained cause-and-effect chain and use examples that directly demonstrate the social effects of cultural diversity.
Coherence and Cohesion
The ideas follow a recognisable sequence from position to benefits, drawbacks, and conclusion, but the single-block presentation and several awkward transitions weaken progression.
Separate the response into purposeful paragraphs and use linking expressions only where the logical relationship between sentences is precise.
Lexical Resource
There is enough range to discuss culture and social conflict, but frequent inaccurate word forms and collocations reduce precision and naturalness.
Prioritise accurate combinations such as cultural diversity, social resistance, and share knowledge, and check noun, adjective, and verb forms carefully.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response attempts varied sentence structures, but frequent errors with articles, agreement, plurals, and clause construction repeatedly disrupt fluency.
Edit every sentence for a clear subject-verb structure, then check article use and singular-plural agreement before adding complex clauses.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Writing Task 2
In multi-cultural societies, people of different cultural backgrounds live and work together. Do you think the advantages of multi-cultural societies outweigh the disadvantages?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.