Many of the diseases which afflict people who do office jobs are the direct result of a sedentary lifestyle. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
Nowadays, manual work is decliningNowadays hard work dwindles as more people work in offices. Although we suffer less from the physical strain and fatiguepains and tiredness of manual work, we are in fact harmed by the sedentary nature of office workafflicted by the sedentary lifestyle of office work, as many critics suggest. Personally, I agree with this idea. For people working in offices, sitting for too long in an office chairthe soft chair or sofa is the direct cause of a number of diseases. As is often the case, workers in offices tend to perform their workdeal with their work either by using the computer or by checking documents and writing reports. All such workAnd all such work requires a person to sit at a deskin a chair by a desk for a long time. This will cause backaches, neck pain becauseneck aches as few people have good sitting posturea good sitting habit and it is even harder for them to maintain proper posture for a long timesit properly in a long time. Secondly, sitting for a long time means they cannot exercisecannot exercise their body or simply stretch their arms and legs regularlystretch out their arms and legs often, which results in poorbad blood circulation and even obesity. Worse still, they can suffer from psychological pressure for lack of exerciseexercises that are essential to personal happiness. However, some argue that a sedentary lifestyle in officesthat sedentary lifestyle in offices is not the direct cause of a lot of diseases. They claim that although office work requires them to sit for long periodssit for long, they can relax and exercise after workexercise their body after work and at weekends. The fallacy in this argument is that it thinks many people are so energetic that they are eager to exercise themselves after a long day of exhaustion due to their work, not to mention that at weekends people are not always free to do anything they want to do. In conclusion, it is reasonable to say that the sedentary lifestyle of office work isthat sedentary lifestyle of office work is the direct cause of a number of diseases. Work takes up most of our time, and if it does not make enough time and space for proper physical adjustments and relaxation, we will not be able to lead a healthy lifestyle. Employers shouldFor employers, they should come up with some useful strategies to deal with the problem.
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response states and sustains a clear position, explaining several plausible physical and psychological consequences and engaging with a counterargument. Its main limitation is presentation and precision: the whole discussion appears as one paragraph, while recurring awkward collocations weaken otherwise clear meaning. The priority is to organize the argument into distinct paragraphs and use more natural expressions for exercise, posture, circulation, and workplace health.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The position is clear throughout, and relevant health effects are explained with a counterargument and rebuttal, though some causal claims are overgeneralized.
Qualify the causal claims and support them with a more specific example showing how prolonged inactivity contributes to particular conditions.
Coherence and Cohesion
The ideas follow a logical sequence, but presenting the entire response as one paragraph obscures the stages of the argument.
Use separate paragraphs for the main effects, the counterargument and rebuttal, and the conclusion.
Lexical Resource
The response demonstrates sufficient range for the topic, but recurring awkward combinations reduce lexical precision and naturalness.
Use more idiomatic collocations such as poor circulation, prolonged sitting, physical activity, and maintain good posture.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex structures are attempted successfully and meaning is clear, although article, plural, pronoun, and preposition errors appear repeatedly.
Review noun phrases and verb patterns carefully, especially countable nouns and constructions following sit, exercise, and suffer from.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Many of the diseases which afflict people who do office jobs are the direct result of a sedentary lifestyle. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.