Children in many countries are engaged in paid jobs. Many regard it as a harmful trend while others consider it as a valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsibilities. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Sample Response
In recent days, it is quite common for some children to workfor some children join in some workplaces in several nations. Some assert that it poses negative impacts onbad impacts towards children's behaviourthe children behaviour while otherswhile the others believe that it is a remarkable chance to teach children to become responsibleto educate children to be a responsible person. This essay will look into both views with some considerations.
People do realise that being a worker is not appropriate for children since they are still at an early agein the early age. People assert that they should enjoy their childhood first instead of participating in paid work. This is the time for them to play around together with their peers thus they will create some beautiful moments which are full of happiness in their age. In psychological termsIn term of psychology, this may cause themit develops them to be introvertedan introvert person and struggle with social communicationsuffer from the social communication. They will tend to be mature earlier because they realise how hard life is. Therefore, they will lose their childhood which can never be repeatedwhich might never repeat again.
On the other hand, there are some benefits for children to work at an early agework on early age. First, it enables them to become independentit enables to be an independent person because they can earn money onby their own. Moreover, it educates them to be a responsible person because of their experiences. They will learn time management and problem-solving whileduring working. As a result, they will be more ready to face this life and this can be a great helpeven it poses a great help for them in the future since they have plenty of knowledge in that field.
It is true that children will more respect and realise the meaning of this life since they already cope with some problems. However, it will affect their behaviour and culturalculture identity. They will have different perspectives from their peers about this kind of life. Moreover, it will interfere with their educationinterfere their educations because of spending too much time workingspending much time on working.
To sum up, work for children can be a positive or negative thing, thus the roles of parents and teachers are essentialthe role of parents and teachers are quite necessary to develop the children's character. As a result, children will not lose their childhood, but they are still able to gain an opportunity to work.
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response is strongest in presenting recognisable benefits and harms of paid work for children within a clear paragraph structure. Its main limitation is that the writer's own position is only indirectly expressed and several ideas are general, repetitive, or insufficiently explained. The highest-priority improvement is to state a precise conditional opinion and develop it with specific reasoning, while correcting the frequent grammatical and collocational errors that weaken clarity.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views are covered with relevant ideas, but development is uneven and the final position depends on parental guidance without being clearly defined earlier.
State a direct opinion in the introduction and explain the conditions under which paid work is beneficial or harmful using specific examples.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response follows a generally logical sequence and uses clear paragraphing, although progression becomes repetitive and connectors are sometimes mechanical.
Give each paragraph one distinct purpose and use referencing to connect ideas instead of repeatedly relying on moreover, therefore, and as a result.
Lexical Resource
There is enough vocabulary to discuss the topic, but frequent inaccurate collocations and word forms make the expression noticeably unnatural.
Build accurate topic-specific phrases such as work at an early age, earn money independently, and interfere with education, then check them in context.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The writer attempts a range of sentence forms, but frequent errors in articles, verb patterns, agreement, plurals, and prepositions reduce accuracy.
Focus first on complete verb structures and noun phrases, then proofread every sentence for articles, agreement, and singular or plural consistency.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Children in many countries are engaged in paid jobs. Many regard it as a harmful trend while others consider it as a valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsibilities. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.