In many countries, sports and exercise classes are replaced with the academic subjects. Discuss the effects of this trend.
Sample Response
Over the past few decades, academic subjects have become increasingly important in this fast-changing information-drivenbased society. Nowadays, there is growing debate over whetherthere has been a growing debate as to whether it would be more effective to replace physical education classes with academic subjects. Despite the importance of sports, I stronglyhighly believe that it is both inevitable and more efficientit is inevitable and more efficient to place greater emphasis on academic subjectsfocus more on academic subjects for several reasons. Those who argue that sports and exercise classes are needed in schoolsschool support their position with the following argumentsbase their case on the following arguments. First of all, sports are an effective way to build character and develop students’ personalitiesa good way to build character and develop personality. That is, theythere are necessary for learning about competition, cooperation, and good sportsmanship. In addition, because many childrenas a majority of children these days are addicted to the Internet, they find it hard to leave their computerscomputer. Consequently, a growing number of children are becoming overweight or obese due to a lack of exercise. ThereforeSo, if schools foster an environment that prevents students from receivingdeprives students of getting a proper physical education, it will have long-term negative effects on children’s mental and physical healtha long-term negative effect on children both mentally and physically. Nevertheless, people should not ignore the fact that devoting more time and energy to academic subjects will benefit students more in the long run. Time currently devoted to physical educationThe time devoted to physical education now would be better spent teaching students English. This is because speaking English fluentlyspeaking fluent English will give young people an advantage over other college applicants and job seekers in the near future. Besides, science will undoubtedly benefit youth more than physical education as well. The principles learned in science will provide the necessary foundation for solving difficult problemssolving and difficult problems that are sure to arise in students' futures. In summary, there are high hopes that educators and parents exercise wisdom in teaching young generations.
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response's strongest feature is its relevant coverage of both adverse physical and social consequences and potential academic benefits, with examples that generally support each side. Its main limitation is that the discussion is presented as one continuous block and ends with a vague conclusion that does not synthesise the effects. The highest-priority improvement is to separate the contrasting effects into clear paragraphs and finish by explicitly weighing their likely overall impact.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response addresses several relevant negative and positive effects and supports them with explanations, but its final position does not clearly synthesise the discussion.
Conclude by directly comparing the health and character costs with the claimed academic benefits and state the likely net effect.
Coherence and Cohesion
The ideas follow a broadly logical contrast between physical education and academic study, but the absence of paragraph breaks and mechanical transitions weaken organisation.
Use separate paragraphs for adverse effects, academic benefits, and the conclusion, with a clear topic sentence for each.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a reasonably varied topic vocabulary and communicates its arguments clearly, despite several awkward or imprecise word combinations.
Replace unnatural combinations with precise phrasing and proofread for accidental additions that distort otherwise clear expressions.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex structures is used with generally clear meaning, although recurring agreement, pronoun, and sentence-construction errors remain.
Check every complex sentence for a complete clause pattern, consistent pronoun reference, and accurate subject-verb agreement.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
In many countries, sports and exercise classes are replaced with the academic subjects. Discuss the effects of this trend.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.