Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions. Some people think this is completely fair while others think that it is not justified. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Sample Response
It is true that some successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professionsother important profession's people. In this passage, I am going to give the views from both sides of the coin in this passage. People who earnPeople who are earning largehandsome amounts of money in the sports profession have worked hard to reached their current positioncome to the spot where they are right now. If we talk about a cricketer then out of twenty to thirty thousandtwenty-thirty thousand people who are aiming to go pro, only ten to fifteen people get selected. In this long and hard journey, some of the hustlers have lost their jobs, their education, and what not to fulfill their dream so Its only fair that those who worked their way to the spot should deserve something great as this much competition is not even in the education field, and you surely don't have to train yourself too much to get a good job in the educational field. On the other handWhere on the other end if we look into it differently then, there are many employeesso many working employees in either the private or public sectorwhether they are private or government they do not earn adequate salariesthey don't really have a good salary in their respective jobs. Sometimes it is so bad that they are not even able to afford adequate healthcareproper health care and education for their children. This occurs not only in developing countries but alsoIt's not only happening in third-world countries it's also happening in other developed nations. People who have spent all their time studying to get a good job are now stuck with jobs that do not provide basic living necessitiessomething which is not even helping them get proper living necessities. If we compare the salaries of Indian army soldiers to those of cricketers the figures show thatthen you would be shocked to see that the salary of an Indian army soldier is around 6,000 USD per year whereas an Indian national-team cricketerIndian team cricket player would easily earn around 600,000 USD and it is not fairits not fair. With USD 6,000 per yearIn 6,000 USD per annum you won't even be able to afford a good college in India let alone other necessitiesleaving the other things aside. I think that the situation is not fair, as the soldiers have to work as hard as the cricketer or even more to get a place in the army, As a matter of fact, its true that they are willingly serving the nation but they at least should be provided with enough salary so that they could help their children get into a good "private college".
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response covers both perspectives and gives a clear opinion, with the comparison between cricketers and soldiers providing a concrete focus. However, the argument is presented as one long paragraph and relies on sweeping claims, while run-on sentences and awkward phrasing frequently reduce control. Prioritize a four-paragraph structure, develop each view with measured reasoning, and edit sentence boundaries carefully.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views are addressed and the writer's opinion is clear, although several supporting claims are generalized or insufficiently justified.
Develop each side with one carefully explained reason and avoid unsupported comparisons about the difficulty or value of different professions.
Coherence and Cohesion
The broad movement from the fairness argument to the opposing view is identifiable, but the single-paragraph format and awkward linking weaken progression.
Separate the introduction, each viewpoint, and the conclusion into distinct paragraphs with clear topic sentences.
Lexical Resource
The response uses enough vocabulary to discuss competition, earnings, public service, and living costs, though several collocations are informal or imprecise.
Replace expressions such as 'profession's people,' 'hustlers,' and 'come to the spot' with accurate, formal academic phrasing.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The writer attempts varied complex sentences, but recurring run-ons, comma misuse, apostrophe errors, and faulty clause structures reduce accuracy.
Break the longest sentences into complete units and check possessives, contractions, capitalization, and clause connections during editing.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions. Some people think this is completely fair while others think that it is not justified. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.