These days more fathers stay at home and take care of their children while mothers go out to work. What could be the reasons for this? Is it a positive or negative development?
Sample Response
The traditional belief that men are breadwinners while women should take care of chores and bring upup bring children is no longer true in the modern era. In many places, this convention has been reversedhas gone to a reverse way and an increasing number of women work outside the homework outside and men stay at home. There are several reasons for this and I personally think that it is a positive trend. As social attitudes changeWith the changes in social belief, more parents send their daughters to pursue higher educationfor higher studies instead of preparing them for marriagepreparing them for getting married and this expands the skilled and educated female workforceenhances the capable and educated women workforce. In many fields, for example, telemarketing, teaching, fashion design, and banking, women are doing better than men and this has created a demand for female employees in the job market. The equal rightsright movement has had a great impact on empowering women and itthis has become quite normal for mothers to work inat offices while the fathers decide to stay at home to take care of their children. This decision is often based on mutual understanding between couplesmutual understanding of the couples and the one who has the higher earning potential decides to work to support the family’s rising expensesthe increasing expenses of the family. This has been socially accepted in most developed countriesmost of the developed countries though some developing countries in Asia are yet to completely accept this trend. In my opinion, this trend has more positive outcomes and should be regarded as progresstreated as a progress. If both genders do not work for hand in hand and do not get the equal opportunity, the real progress would be impossible. This ensures that we live in an era when both men and women have an equal opportunity and someone is not deprived of a great career or a big opportunity only because of her gender. It is a valuable opportunitya great chance that allows the parents to decide who to earn money for the family and who to take care of the family, not based on social and traditional beliefsbelief. In conclusion, the changing roles in a family have been possible due to the great changes in social belief, advancement of women, especially in education and this is a very positive trend that eliminates the gender discrimination and advocates the equal rights.
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response answers both questions directly, giving several relevant reasons for changing parental roles and sustaining a clear view that the development is positive. The strongest feature is its breadth of relevant ideas, but the absence of paragraphing weakens the organisation, and recurring awkward expressions reduce precision. Divide the causes and evaluation into purposeful paragraphs, then edit collocations and sentence structures for more natural accuracy.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both parts are addressed fully with a clear position and several relevant, extended explanations of causes and benefits.
Qualify broad claims about women outperforming men and deepen the explanation of how household role flexibility benefits families.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument has clear overall progression and effective signposting, but presenting the entire response as one paragraph obscures its stages.
Separate the introduction, reasons, positive evaluation, and conclusion into distinct paragraphs with focused central ideas.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a good range of topic vocabulary, although recurring collocational and word-form problems sometimes sound unnatural.
Replace phrases such as “gone to a reverse way,” “treated as a progress,” and “work for hand in hand” with natural equivalents.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A range of complex structures communicates the argument clearly, but article, preposition, and clause-construction errors recur.
Edit complex sentences for articles and complementation, especially constructions such as “allows the parents to decide who earns money.”
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IELTS Writing Task 2
These days more fathers stay at home and take care of their children while mothers go out to work. What could be the reasons for this? Is it a positive or negative development?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.