Some employers offer their employees subsidized membership of gym or sports clubs, believing that this will make their staff healthier and thus more effective at work. Other employers see no benefit in so doing. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Sample Response
It is universally accepted that as a realm of motivation and increasing productivity, several workers get different proposals from the organization’s end. These officials may not take initiation to how rigorously influence in employee’s life. This situation has both merits and demeritsboth merits as well as demerits, but definitely, the benefits outweigh the drawbacks.
Initially, it is a strategic approach used by major companiesa tactical approach from the end of supreme companies because as a part of various perks and other benefit packagesincrement patterns, they offer memberships indeliver such types of affiliations with famous recreational clubs. They believe that employees may join these fitness clubsemployees may be part of these physical bodiesand that this will improve employees’ physical condition; it will enrich employee’s physical conditions and keep them healthy. As an example, leading US companiesthe US dominant companies provide yearly membership in Gold Gym for their employees. As everyone knows, these clubs are among the best in the marketthey are the best in the market with ultra-modern equipmenttypes of equipment. Furthermore, they can easily reduce expensiveexotic medical claims, and they do not need any additional personal leavetake any additional leaves as personal. So, these will help the employers for continuous service of particular employees without any turmoil.
However, it is a wasteful use of moneya squandering way of spending money. Employees are entirely different from each other in their individual preferenceswith their classical behaviours. If some of them are not interestedIf some of them may not be interested in certain types of frivolous activities, these perks may not motivateincite them. Moreover, it is appalling wastage of money. Although one can appreciate the reasons why some people would support such measures, they may feel discouraged after a few daysfelt hampered after few days, and they may quit the programmethey quit. In my opinion, as business giants, they can motivate their employees in lasting waysinflame their employees in prolonged roots. Similarly, it is adequate and essential that they have to treat their employees as per their desire.
In conclusion, it is easy to enhance employees in realistic ways. But it is mandatory to bring the requirements for indispensable time.
Why this response received Band 5.0
The response has a recognizable two-sided structure and includes a relevant attempt to explain how gym membership could improve health and attendance. Its main limitation is that frequent unnatural word choices and grammatical problems obscure both the arguments and the writer's final opinion, particularly in the last body paragraph and conclusion. Prioritize expressing each claim in plain, accurate sentences and end with one specific, consistent recommendation to employers.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views are mentioned and an opinion is stated, but key ideas are unevenly developed and the final position becomes vague and difficult to interpret.
Explain one clear reason for each view, then give a direct conclusion stating whether employers should subsidize memberships and under what conditions.
Coherence and Cohesion
Basic paragraphing separates the two views, but unclear referencing, repetition, and abrupt logical moves weaken progression within paragraphs.
Use a simple claim-explanation-example sequence in each body paragraph and ensure pronouns such as they have an unmistakable referent.
Lexical Resource
The response attempts a broad vocabulary, but frequent inappropriate collocations and word choices often make the intended meaning difficult to recover.
Prefer familiar, precise phrases such as reduce medical costs, motivate staff, and suit employees' preferences instead of forcing uncommon words.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Some sentence patterns are varied, but frequent errors in clause structure, agreement, articles, tense, and prepositions reduce clarity.
Build shorter complete sentences with clear subjects and verbs, then check agreement and prepositions before combining ideas into complex forms.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some employers offer their employees subsidized membership of gym or sports clubs, believing that this will make their staff healthier and thus more effective at work. Other employers see no benefit in so doing. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.