Some people say that there is too much harmful content on the internet. They say the only way to make the internet safe is for the government to censor the content of websites. To what extent do you think the government should control what information is available on the internet?
Sample Response
The graph shows the percentages of adult malemales smokers of countries includingcountries consisting of the world average, Armenia, Egypt, Lebanon, Bangladesh, Cuba, Mexico and Australia. The data gathered are from the years 2000 and 2015year of 2000 and 2015.
Overall, Armenia has the highest percentage of male smokers in 2000, while the highestwhile, the highest amount in 2015 is held by both Armenia and Cuba. In contrast, Australia has the lowest rates in both years compared to the other countries.
Armenia consists of 65% males who smokesmokes in the country, makingcountry; making it the highest percentage upon the rest. Bangladesh is second behind Armenia, only aroundarround 3% off Armenia. By comparison, the lowest proportion of male smokers was recorded in Australialowest amount of male smokers are Australia with only 28%, below the world average.
In terms of 2015, Armenia maintains the highest percentagemaintains as the higher percentage. However, Cuba has a similar amount of smokers from 2000 with a slight reduction. This caused both Cuba and Armenia to be in contention for the highest percentage of 51%. By contrast, Australia is still the lowest percentage among the 6 countries and the world average. The data dropped from 28% to the troughtrought of 17%.
Why this response received Band 4.5
The response is completely off-topic because it describes a Task 1 data graph about smoking rates instead of addressing the Task 2 essay prompt on internet censorship. To improve, you must carefully read the prompt and ensure you write an argumentative essay that directly answers the specific question asked. Additionally, the response is significantly under the 250-word minimum, which further impacts the overall evaluation.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response completely fails to address the essay prompt regarding internet censorship, instead describing a graph about male smoking percentages.
Always ensure you answer the specific prompt provided for Task 2 rather than writing a Task 1 report.
Coherence and Cohesion
While the text is organized into paragraphs with some logical progression, the structure is entirely inappropriate for a Task 2 essay.
Structure your response as an essay with an introduction, body paragraphs presenting arguments, and a conclusion.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is suitable for describing data but does not relate to the required topic of internet safety and government control.
Develop a wide range of topic-specific vocabulary related to social issues, technology, and government policy.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Grammatical control is limited, with several errors in subject-verb agreement, article use, and word form.
Practice writing complex sentences with correct subject-verb agreement and accurate prepositional phrases.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people say that there is too much harmful content on the internet. They say the only way to make the internet safe is for the government to censor the content of websites. To what extent do you think the government should control what information is available on the internet?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.