The graphs below show the numbers of male and female workers in 1975 and 1995 in several employment sectors of the Republic of Freedonia.
Sample Response
The graphsThe yielded diagram demonstrates employment figuresthe number of employment in Freedonia by genderby gender wise, male and female in six different sectors in 1975 and 1995.
Overall, it can be clearly seen that in starting year, in the all sectors male number was higher than the female which changed in 1995.
For manufacturing, In 1975, male and female works number was roughly same in manufacturing unit while after two decades, the male number were more 100000. For communication, the male number was the same as was female in manufacturing and female had 210000 whereas, in 1995, the male number remained the same but the female double in 20 years. For finance and bankingfinance or bank, about 420,000 and 120,000 workers were recorded410000 and 115000 employment number was for male and female respectively in 1975; howeverrespectively in 1975 however, after two decades, the female number roserose steadily and reached roughly the 1975 male figurehad same as the male had in 1975, the male figure grew to about 450,000the male number grew on account of 500000 had.
For the non-defence public sector, employment numbers remained unchanged throughout the period, at about 650,000 for females and 850,000 for maleswhich was 625000 for females and 82500p for males. For wholesale, in 1975, the number of male workersmale workers number was 700000 which remained same later but the number of female employees grew from about 550,000but, female employees number grew 525000 to the zenith point, 800,00080000p. The defencepublic sector had 210000 employees, after 20 years, it was 300000, and this change happens because female employment increasedowing to female recruitment.
Why this response received Band 5.0
The response covers all six sectors and includes an overview, while its clearest strength is the attempt to compare both years sector by sector. However, frequent data inaccuracies, unclear references, awkward vocabulary, and persistent grammatical errors make several comparisons difficult to follow. The highest priority is to check each figure against the graphs and express one accurate comparison per sentence using simple, controlled structures.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The response addresses all sectors and attempts an overview, but several comparisons and figures, especially for manufacturing, are inaccurate or unclear.
Verify every plotted value and build the overview around the clearest pattern: substantial female gains in several sectors by 1995.
Coherence and Cohesion
The report has a recognisable introduction, overview, and sector-based progression, but long sentences and vague references weaken cohesion.
Separate each sector comparison into a clear sentence and use pronouns only when their reference is unmistakable.
Lexical Resource
There is some relevant employment and trend vocabulary, but frequent awkward collocations and word-form errors reduce precision.
Use dependable phrases such as "the number of workers rose to" and "remained unchanged" instead of forced expressions.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Both simple and complex forms are attempted, but persistent agreement, article, tense, and clause-structure errors often strain comprehension.
Prioritise accurate subject-verb agreement and complete comparative sentences before attempting longer multi-clause structures.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The graphs below show the numbers of male and female workers in 1975 and 1995 in several employment sectors of the Republic of Freedonia.
Your response
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