The diagram below gives the information about the Hawaiian island chain in the centre of the Pacific Ocean.
Sample Response
The map portrays the Hawaiian island chain, which is located in the heart of the Pacific Ocean and is roughlyand roughly 2,700 kilometres in length. As shownAs is presented, it consists of volcanoesis formed of volcanoes and the youngest active volcano isthe active ones are at the south-east tip of the archipelago, where Hawaii itself is situated. It also shows Deletethe how volcanic eruptionsthe volcano eruption occurs. It is pointed out that the chain began to form almost 80 million years ago on a bed of solid, dense rockon solid dense rock bed and each island started to evolve through numerous eruptionsafter an eruption on the seafloor. First, a `hot spot' existed on the ocean bed, which let out a plume of magmaplume of the material called 'magma'. Throughout the processFurther, the hot spot remainedhot spot remained stable. Hence, magma spume was formed. This magma originatesmay originate as deep as 2,883 km below the ocean bed. Next, further eruptions taketook place, which buildbuilt up the volcano. Eventually, the volcano emergesit emerged above the surface of the ocean. Afterward, the spume of magma remainshas remained immobile as the Pacific tectonic plate moves in a north-west direction across it at an annual speed of 7-9 centimetrescentimetre. As it moves, a volcano forms as it passes over the hotspot and then becomesbecome inactive when it has passed it. The other major islands in the Pacific ocean are Niihau, Kauai, Oahu, Molokai, Maui, Lanai and Kahoolawe which are 0-100 kilometres away from each other.
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response gives a clear account of the volcanic formation sequence and incorporates most of the diagram's important labels, including the plate movement, hotspot depth, and age of the chain. Its main weakness is imprecision in the overview and island description, particularly unsupported or misleading claims about the chain's length and distances between islands. Prioritise a more accurate overview that contrasts the static hotspot with the moving plate and resulting age progression.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The main volcanic process and most key figures are accurately reported, but the overview includes unsupported spatial details and does not clearly highlight the age progression along the chain.
Base the overview strictly on the visual and emphasise that the static hotspot and north-westward plate movement create progressively older, inactive volcanoes.
Coherence and Cohesion
The stages follow a generally clear chronological order, but the single paragraph and several mechanical connectors weaken the organisation.
Separate the overview from the detailed process and group the formation stages into a logically sequenced body paragraph with fewer formulaic transitions.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a good range of process vocabulary, though several phrases such as 'volcano eruption,' 'magma spume was formed,' and 'annual speed' are awkward or imprecise.
Use more natural scientific collocations, such as 'volcanic eruption,' 'a plume of magma rises,' and 'an annual rate of 7-9 centimetres.'
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A range of complex structures is attempted and meaning remains clear, but article, agreement, and noun-form errors recur.
Check articles and agreement carefully, especially in phrases such as 'a solid dense rock bed,' 'the hotspot,' 'centimetres,' and 'then becomes inactive.'
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The diagram below gives the information about the Hawaiian island chain in the centre of the Pacific Ocean.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.