The table below shows the worldwide market share of the notebook computer market for manufacturers in the years 2006 and 2007.
Sample Response
The table gives information on the worldwide market shares held by notebook computer manufacturersmarket share of notebook computer manufacturers for two consecutive years, 2006 and 2007.
In both years, HP was clearly the market leader, accounting for 31.4%selling 31.4% of all notebook computers in 2006, and slightly more (34%) in 2007. This wasis a greater market share than its two closest competitors, Dell and Acer, added together.
Dell increased its market share from 16.6% in 2006 to 20.2% in 2007. In contrast, Acer saw its share of the market decline slightly from 11.6% to 10.7%.
The remaining named companies eachThe other companies listed each had a much smaller share of the market. Toshiba’s share increased from 6.2% in 2006 to 7.3% in 2007, whereas Lenovo’s decreased slightly from 6.6% to 6.2%. Fujitsu-Siemens’ share more than halved from 4.8% in 2006 to only 2.3% in 2007from 2006 to 2007: from 4.8% of the market to only 2.3%.
Other notebook computer manufacturers accounted for 22.8% of the market in 2006 – more than the share of any named company except HPmore than all the companies mentioned except HP. However, in 2007 the other companies accounted for only 19.3% of notebook computer salesonly made 19.3% of notebook computer sales – less than both HP and Dell.
Why this response received Band 9.0
The response is exceptionally clear and accurate, selecting every manufacturer’s key figure and making effective comparisons across the two years. Its main limitation is that the overview focuses chiefly on HP rather than briefly synthesising the broader pattern of gains and declines; adding one concise statement about which manufacturers rose and which fell would make the overview more fully rounded.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The response accurately covers all manufacturers, identifies HP’s dominance, and makes well-selected comparisons between the two years.
Broaden the overview with a concise synthesis of the general upward and downward movements across the remaining manufacturers.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information progresses logically from the market leader through major competitors to smaller manufacturers, with clear and unobtrusive linking.
For even tighter synthesis, group all rising shares and falling shares into explicitly contrasted categories.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied and precise, with effective expressions such as “market leader,” “decline slightly,” and “more than halved.”
Refine the slightly awkward phrase “made 19.3% of notebook computer sales” to “accounted for 19.3% of the market.”
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex comparative structures is used accurately and naturally throughout.
Maintain this excellent control while continuing to vary the placement and form of comparative clauses.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The table below shows the worldwide market share of the notebook computer market for manufacturers in the years 2006 and 2007.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.