Multi-cultural societies, in which there is a mixture of different ethnic peoples, bring more benefits than drawbacks to a country. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
Many people advocate for a multicultural society and say that such a society brings more advantages than disadvantagesdemerits. I wholeheartedly agree with this view, and this essay aims to explain why.
First of all, when people from different ethnic groups live together in a country, their traditions and experiences are shared. People in such a society have greaterbetter exposure to diverse working practicesdiverse works, skills and expertise which help make the country interesting while also creating a capable workforcea talented and skilled workforce. For instance, countries like the USA and the UK have multicultural societiesmulti-cultural societies and such a social structuresuch social formation has created a broader range of skills and expertisebetter skills, expertise and capabilities among people. As a result, such countries have a rich cultural liferich cultural aspects and a workforce with diversemultiple talents and skills.
Secondly, people who live in a multicultural society have a better understanding of different cultures, religions and lifestyles. This exposure makes them more tolerant towards differences. Thus, a multicultural societyThus a multicultural society in a country teaches people to respect different religions, traditions and beliefs.
Finally, people of different backgrounds and groups have different strengths. When they live together in a societylive in a society together, they benefit from one anotherbenefit each other by sharing their strengths and such a diversely skilled populationmulti-skilled population helps the country progress faster. For instance, a country like the USA benefits from its diverse range of ethnic groups that haveethnic groups who has unique strengthsstrength and when these strengths are combined, the countrycounty is better prepared for social, political and economic progress.
To conclude, the advantages of a country having a multicultural population of diverse skills, cultures, and strengths offer a range of benefits while its disadvantages are minor. It is expected that nations would recognise these strengthsstrenghs of having a multicultural population and foster harmony to reap the maximum benefitsreap its maximum benefit.
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response maintains a clear position and organizes three relevant benefits into an easy-to-follow argument, with effective use of examples and a generally varied vocabulary. Development is sometimes repetitive and generic, while several awkward collocations and agreement errors reduce precision. The highest-priority improvement is to deepen one or two benefits with more specific causal explanation and then edit for natural word choice and subject-verb agreement.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear position is sustained and supported by relevant benefits, although some ideas and country examples remain broad or repetitive.
Develop fewer benefits more deeply by explaining specific mechanisms and outcomes rather than repeating claims about skills and strengths.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay follows a clear introduction-to-conclusion progression with distinct central ideas and generally effective linking.
Create stronger connections between the body points so they build a cumulative argument instead of reading as a numbered list.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary shows sufficient range for cultural and economic discussion, but awkward collocations and occasional spelling errors limit precision.
Choose more natural combinations for ideas such as cultural richness, workforce diversity, and mutual benefit, and proofread spelling.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Both simple and complex sentences communicate clearly, but agreement, pronoun, and noun-number errors recur in several passages.
Prioritize subject-verb agreement and singular-plural consistency, especially in sentences about ethnic groups and combined strengths.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Multi-cultural societies, in which there is a mixture of different ethnic peoples, bring more benefits than drawbacks to a country. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.