In many countries children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it as valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsibility. What is your opinion on this?
Sample Response
Nowadays, many children are involvedmany children involved in different types of jobs to have some kind of financial securityassurance for themselves. However, whether this is good for their development and personality is a highlymuch debatable issue. I personally believe that paid workworks is harmful tofor children for several reasons. It is said that children gainlearn valuable experience in the work place. This may be true. However, I would argue that children are mainly employed for jobs that require manual work and are low paid. The recent statistic reveals the common tasks that children are assigned are washing dishes, cleaning floors or serving food in restaurants. Meanwhile, these kinds of jobsthis kind of jobs actually do not provide children with the necessarydo not provide children with necessary and useful skills that they can applyso that they can apply in their future careercarrer.
This brings me to the second point. Defenders of child labour argueDefenders of child work argues that it is an effective method of learning. The point is that childrenThe point is children should be able to apply knowledge taught to them in a real life working environment. Although this is undoubtedly true, it also means that children may neglect their classroom studiesthe classroom study and even fail their classesfail the class. The worst thing is yet to come. They may become so occupied with the immediate benefits such as a small salarybenefits ahead of them like small salary and leave school.
Finally, supporters saysaid that it helps them to build responsibility in the family. They will understand how it is difficult to earn money and therefore have a compassion for their parentscompassionate view with their parents. This is true to a certain extent, but may have a totally adverse effect on children. As children can make money at an early age, they would feel that it is appropriate to spend on luxury things by their own money, which could be recovered later.
In conclusion, I think that parents should take measures to prevent their children from workingrestrict their child to work, otherwise it would have a negative consequences on their futures.
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response presents a consistent opinion and usefully engages with opposing claims before rebutting them. Its main limitation is that some arguments, especially the final point about spending and responsibility, are insufficiently explained and occasionally unclear because of inaccurate wording. The highest priority is to make each causal link explicit and then proofread for recurring agreement, article, word-form, and collocation errors.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The opinion is clear throughout, and the response offers several relevant reasons, though some support is general or logically incomplete.
Fully explain how each example proves that paid work harms children, particularly the final claim about earning and spending money.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas are arranged in a sensible sequence, with each paragraph advancing a distinct rebuttal to a claimed benefit of child work.
Replace mechanical transitions such as 'This brings me to the second point' with links that state the logical relationship between ideas.
Lexical Resource
The response has enough vocabulary to discuss education, work, and responsibility, but frequent word-form and collocation errors reduce precision.
Learn and check natural combinations such as 'paid work', 'gain valuable experience', 'career', and 'spend money on luxury items'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Both simple and complex sentences are attempted successfully, but frequent agreement, article, plural, and preposition errors remain noticeable.
Prioritize subject-verb and noun agreement, especially constructions such as 'children are involved', 'supporters argue', and 'these kinds of jobs do not'.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
In many countries children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it as valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsibility. What is your opinion on this?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.