Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Sample Response
In thetoday's modern world, most peoplemost of the people around the globe lead a competitive lifestyle as they need to secure a decent job with high paywith a high payment. Therefore, there are some peoplea handful of people who assert that children should competethere should be competition among the children so that they canwill reach their goals in the future. However, some people are of the opinion that children should be taught to co-operate as they have a greater tendencyhave higher tendency to become useful citizensa useful citizen once they know about cooperation. Hence, it is important for us to examine both viewsboth sides of the views before reaching a reasonable conclusion. Admittedly, if there is a sense of competition among the children, they are stimulated to work harder when acquiring knowledge in school. This may be becauseIt is, possibly, due to the reason that they want to score better in examinationsexamination than their classmates. With the existence of competition among children, they are highly likely to perform well in school as they will always compare their academic progressprogressions with others. To illustrate, during a quiz or a test, the children will probably try harder to answersolve the questions as they love the feeling of being praised by their teachers and friends. Thus, with the existence of competition among children, they will have more motivation to studymore momentum in studying and achieving success. On the other hand, it is believed that children who know how to co-operate with others will attain success and contribute more to societycontribute more to the society. In school, if the teachers teach them about the moral value of cooperation, it will further encourage them to have good teamwork between children learn how to respect others' opinions. It indirectly helpsIt, indirectly, helps them to develop crucial interpersonal skillsthe crucial interpersonal skills which play an indispensable role in their studies and future careersprospective jobs. Hence, any misunderstanding can be avoided among childrenamong the child which is the key to achieving their aspirations both in their studies and their workworks. In conclusion, I believe that both the competition and cooperation should exist among the children as each of them helps the young children to become a more knowledgeable and useful individual who can contribute endlessly to the society. As a consequence, our nation will surely continue to prosper and flourish in the decades to come.
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response discusses both perspectives and supports the competition argument with a clear school-based example before giving a definite combined opinion. Its main weakness is that the cooperation discussion is less fully explained, while the absence of paragraph breaks and recurring awkward constructions reduce fluency. Prioritize organizing the essay into distinct paragraphs and developing how cooperation specifically makes adults more useful.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views are addressed and a clear opinion is given, with effective development of competition but a less complete explanation of cooperation and adult usefulness.
Explain the causal link between cooperative skills learned in childhood and concrete contributions made by useful adults.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument follows a recognizable sequence and uses clear signposting, but the response is presented as one long paragraph and linking is sometimes mechanical.
Separate the introduction, each view, and the conclusion into purposeful paragraphs while relying less on formulaic transition words.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary shows some range, including language about motivation and interpersonal skills, but several collocations and word choices are unnatural.
Use more natural combinations such as well-paid job, academic progress, and contribute to society, and avoid unnecessary repetition of children.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response attempts varied complex structures, but recurring article, agreement, plural, and sentence-construction errors reduce accuracy.
Review clause boundaries and agreement in longer sentences, especially constructions such as teamwork between children learn and misunderstanding among the child.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.