Many parents complain that computer games have no value to their children's studies. And, those online games have produced a lot of negative effects on their mental and physical development. What is your opinion on this?
Sample Response
Digital games on computers and smartphones are hugely popular among youngsters all around the world and their prevalence is increasingupsurging faster than ever. No doubt, our youngstersNo doubt our youngsters are spending much of their timea vast amount of their time playing these games, and parents are concerned about it. I believe that those games have very little or almost no value foron children's education despite some games being educational and informative which are not so popular among children.
To begin with, computer games are highly addictive, and they compel children to spend many hours playing them each dayspend long hours daily. Consequently, they have little or no time for outdoor sports, and many of them start developing health problems. According to a recent survey, the obesity rate among adolescents aged between 12 and 19 is soaring in industrialised nations as well as in less developed countries, and one of the contributing factors is the lack of physical exercise. Since children prefer to stay indoors and play games on computers, they are not interested in outdoor sports or exercise.
Similarly, excessive engagement with computer gamestoo much indulgence in computer games is detrimental to our children's psychological health and well-being in various aspects. More timeA higher amount of time spent playing digital games means less and less time is devoted to their studies or going out and socialising. Due to the characteristics of those games, children who play them for longer hours can hardly concentrate on any serious subjects and their attention span is found to be increasingly short. Moreover, youngsters are often exposed to adult and violent scenes featured in many computer games, which are also very dangerousgames which is also very dangerous for their mental health.
In conclusion, from both physiological and psychological points of view, computer games are almost valueless and may exert negative impacts on the development of young children. Therefore, it is high time for parents and schools to become alertit is high time that parents and schools should be alert to the problem and restrictthe problem, and restrict children's access to those computer games.
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response is strongest in its clear, consistent position and well-developed explanation of the physical, educational, and psychological consequences of excessive gaming. A few awkward lexical choices and minor grammatical slips keep the language from being fully polished; the highest-priority improvement is to replace those unnatural expressions with precise collocations while preserving the essay’s concise, logical development.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The opinion is direct and consistently supported with well-developed explanations of physical, educational, and psychological harm.
Refine the argument further by briefly distinguishing excessive gaming from the limited educational games acknowledged in the introduction.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay is logically sequenced, clearly paragraphed, and cohesively moves from physical effects to psychological and educational consequences.
Make the relationship between the second body paragraph's study-related and mental-health points slightly more explicit for even tighter unity.
Lexical Resource
A wide and generally precise vocabulary supports the argument, with only occasional awkward choices such as prevalence is upsurging and value on education.
Replace the few unnatural collocations with idiomatic alternatives such as prevalence is rising and value to education.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A broad range of sentence structures is used with strong control, although a few agreement and construction errors remain.
Check relative-clause agreement and fixed constructions, particularly the singular verb after plural scenes and the high-time expression.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Many parents complain that computer games have no value to their children's studies. And, those online games have produced a lot of negative effects on their mental and physical development. What is your opinion on this?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.