The government should make more efforts to promote alternative sources of energy. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Sample Response
Many people believe that the government should place more emphasis onemphasise more on alternative energy sources todayalternative energies these days. To a certain extentpoint, I would agree with that, but the government should also conduct a measurable assessmenthave measurable calculation before they shift to these energy sourcesshift the energy resources.
For a number of reasons, it is believed that the government should have extensive promotionpromotions on alternative sources of energy. Firstly, it is a fact that many new energy resources are friendlier to the environment thanfriendlier to the environment rather than the existing sources of energy. For example, the use of solar power systemsthe usage of the solar panel system is booming these days because they do not producedue to they are not producing any carbon monoxide. Secondly, the most common sources of energy that people use nowadays are not renewable. For example, most countries use oil, gas and coal as their sources of energy currently, and we all know that these resources are finitethese energies are limited. As millions of people are using these sources every day, theyit will run out in the future. We should be concerned with how future generationsthe future generation will get their sources of energyenergies by developing alternative energy sourcesby thinking of alternative resources. On the other hand, before the government promotes these alternative energies, they must have a well-prepared feasibility study. They must ensure that those alternative sources of energy are safe for the environment. For instance, when the authority decides to use a nuclear reactor as a replacement forof a diesel electric plant, they must ensure that it is safe. Any leakage from the plant would cause a disaster for the whole nation, just like in the case of the Chernobyl or Fukushima plants. And then the government should also think about how it will affectthink how it will impact the unemployment rate. When new alternative energies are promoted, it means that there is a risk that the demand for existing energy sourcesthe demand of existing energies will be reduced. Consequently, large energy companies such as Chevron or Shell will reduce their workforceemployees. The government should have properly anticipated, plan and have the right solution for it. In conclusion, to a certain extent, I would agree that the government should put more emphasis on new alternative energy these days, but this policy should also be supportedit should also be supported with thorough feasibility studiesmeasurable and feasible studies.
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response presents a clear, qualified position and supports it with relevant environmental, resource, safety, and employment considerations. Its main weakness is organisation: opposing considerations are crowded into one long paragraph, while frequent collocation and grammar errors reduce precision. Prioritise dividing the argument into focused paragraphs and revising sentence structures and word combinations so each well-chosen idea is expressed more accurately and persuasively.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear qualified position is supported by relevant reasons and examples covering both the benefits and practical risks of promoting alternative energy.
Develop the employment concern more carefully and explain how the proposed feasibility studies would guide government promotion.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument progresses logically overall, but most ideas are compressed into one very long body paragraph and some linking is mechanical.
Separate the benefits, safety concerns, and employment effects into focused paragraphs with clearer internal progression.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a sufficient range of topic vocabulary, although inaccurate collocations and word forms recur throughout.
Use more natural combinations such as promote alternative energy, conduct feasibility studies, and reduce staffing levels.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex structures communicates meaning clearly, but agreement, reference, clause, and verb-form errors are frequent.
Proofread complex sentences for subject-verb agreement, pronoun reference, and consistent verb forms before finalising the essay.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
The government should make more efforts to promote alternative sources of energy. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.