More and more people are becoming seriously overweight. Some people have suggested that governments should increase the cost of unhealthy foods. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
Being overweight is a serious problemBeing overweight is severe for those who gain weight through regularly eating unhealthy foodsgain weight daily just by eating unhealthy foods, and everyone knows that being overweight can cause various diseasesbeing overweight brings various diseases with them and to protect themselves from those diseasesto get safe from those diseases, people must manage their weighttake care of their weight. Some people say that if the government can increase the cost of unhealthy food, then people become fit on that topic; I am going to explain some of my viewpoints.
Regarding obesity todayIf I talk about being overweight nowadays, one in three people is overweightevery third person has increased weight just by eating unhealthy food. This is harmfulSo I think that is not good for people because being overweight is a health concern for people with obesityan issue for fat people because excess body fat can cause many diseasesfat can bring many diseases and also can affect a person's appearancereduces the personality of the person. Hence, people have to follow a balanced dietthe proper diet and eat only healthy food to avoid diseaseto get from the disease. I read an article a1 year ago, and this article clearly said that many diseases are associated with excess body fatevery disease is concerned with fat.
However, some people suggest that an increase in the price of unhealthy and junk food may people prevent from becoming overweight and this is a trick somehow but not a permanent solution to get rid of this only people can work on themselves and their bodies to eat with discipline and eat healthy food always sometimes they can eat junk food but just for the taste. However, most of the time, they eat balancedproper home-cooked meals and maintain their body shape.
In conclusion, this is the responsibility of both the government and every individualresponsibility of not only the government but also for every individual to take their health seriouslyget serious about their health because, as everyone says, health is wealth.
Why this response received Band 5.0
The response has a clear paragraph structure and recognises that both government policy and personal responsibility matter. However, its position on increasing food prices remains only partly clear, and the supporting ideas are repetitive, general, and sometimes difficult to follow because of inaccurate language and run-on sentences. Prioritise a direct degree-of-agreement thesis, then develop two focused reasons with specific explanations or examples.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response addresses the topic and offers a relevant view, but the degree of agreement is unclear and the main ideas receive limited, sometimes unsupported development.
State clearly how far you support the price increase and develop each reason with a specific causal explanation or credible example.
Coherence and Cohesion
Paragraphing provides a basic progression, but repetition, imprecise linking, and a very long run-on body paragraph weaken coherence.
Give each body paragraph one controlling idea and divide long chains of thought into clearly linked sentences.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary is adequate for the topic, though repetition and frequent inaccurate collocations reduce precision and naturalness.
Use more precise health and policy vocabulary while checking collocations such as prevent people from becoming overweight.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
There are attempts at complex structures, but frequent errors in sentence boundaries, word order, agreement, and prepositions cause strain.
Control complete sentence boundaries first, then practise shorter complex sentences with accurate clause structure and verb patterns.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
More and more people are becoming seriously overweight. Some people have suggested that governments should increase the cost of unhealthy foods. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.