One of the consequences of improved medical care is that people are living longer and life expectancy is increasing. Do you think the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?
Sample Response
This era is characterised bysanctified with comprehensive medical care, and people's lifespansthe lifespan of people has increased and is still increasinghas enhanced and still increasing because of modern medicines and treatmentsthrough modern medicines and treatments. I believe this development has benefited human civilisationthe result has blessed human civilisation and the disadvantages of increasing life expectancy are overshadowed by its advantages.
Increased life expectancy presentsbrings forth certain disadvantages. One major disadvantage is the potential strain it places on healthcare systems and resources. As people live longer, the demand for medical services and long-term care increases, leading to overcrowded hospitals, longer waiting times, and financial burdens on healthcare systems. For example, the rising number of elderly individuals requiring specialized healthcare and support services can overwhelm the existing infrastructure, potentially compromising the quality and accessibility of care.
Among the advantages, ultra-modern facilities and advanced medicines have transformed medical facilities and cured many deadly diseases. With longer lifespansWith an improved lifespan, people can contribute more to society. Early retirement plans let them begin a new careerstart another profession as they are more active these days. For instance, many professionals these days start their own businesses after retirementafter their retirement. This trend welcomes new entrants to find jobsfreshers to have jobs and helps reduce unemploymenteradicates unemployment to a great extent while also contributing to the national economy.
Moreover, as a direct result of improved life expectancy, people can spend more time with their familiesfamily and grandchildren. Working parents can leave their children in safe hands while at work. The way grandparents care for their grandchildren is cannot be matched byincomparable to the attention they would receive from a daycare centre. So, we need our elderlyelder parents to be with us more than ever before.
In conclusion, an improved lifespan profoundly benefits families as well as societythe family as well as society. Despite a few drawbacks, longer lifespansa growing lifespan offers far more benefits.
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response maintains a clear comparative position and supports it with logically organised discussion of healthcare pressure, social contribution, and family benefits. Its main limitation is that some advantage claims are only loosely connected to increased longevity, while several ambitious word choices sound unnatural. The highest-priority improvement is to develop each benefit through a more precise cause-and-effect link and express it with natural, accurate collocations.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear position is sustained, and both sides are addressed with relevant explanation and examples, although some advantage claims are not tightly linked to longevity.
Make every supporting point explicitly explain how living longer produces the stated benefit and why it outweighs the healthcare burden.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through a clear introduction, contrasting body sections, and a consistent conclusion, with effective paragraphing and linking.
Strengthen the transition into the first advantage by signalling more precisely how it answers the comparison established in the previous paragraph.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a broad vocabulary, but several ambitious collocations are unnatural or imprecise despite the generally clear meaning.
Replace strained phrases such as descriptions of lifespan, civilisation, and employment with simpler, idiomatic combinations used accurately.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A good range of complex structures is mostly controlled, though a few malformed verb phrases and agreement choices remain.
Proofread verb forms in complex clauses, especially passive and progressive constructions, so every subject has a complete and accurate predicate.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
One of the consequences of improved medical care is that people are living longer and life expectancy is increasing. Do you think the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.