Some people say that violence in the media promotes violence in society. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view?
Sample Response
It is often arguedoften pointed out by many that the portrayal of violence in the media encourages violence in the community. I strongly agreetotally concur with this opinion because children and somecertain people may behave violently after watching violent media contentby watching it, and individuals may also become desensitisedindividuals also become numb to violence.
The prevalence of violence in mass media can make children aggressive. To begincommence with, children nowadays spendchildren, nowadays, spend a considerable amount of time watching content such as cartoons or filmsvideos, like cartoons or films. Most of these programmes depict a sympathetic, strong and aggressive hero who can overcome anyevery adverse situation by exercising miraculous power and thus solve his problemsissues by brute force. Since children and many people are unable to distinguish clearly between right and wrongdiscriminate between exact right and wrong, they can take the aggressive behaviourbehaviours of the fictional characters as a model. Recent research provides an exampleA case in point is recent research, which reveals that young children tend to imitate the aggressive behaviours they watch on television.
Likewise, the gruesome portrayals of violence in the media breedviolence in media breed violence in the community through desensitising people. This is because repeated exposure to violence normalizes violence over time and this, in turn, causes violent incidents in society. Put simply, desensitised individuals tend to downplay egregious harm done to others, thereby behaving violently. Desensitized people, in fact, consider violence to beconsider that violence is a normal way of life and they resort to violence to resolve conflictsso as to solve conflicts. This is illustrated by the fact that people who are exposed to violent content may become desensitised to violence, imitate violent actsemulate the violence, and show more aggressive behaviourbehaviours.
To reiterate, the extensive viewing of media violence may cause behavioural issues because children, as well as many people, become aggressive by mimicking protagonists it may instil violence among desensitised people.
Why this response received Band 7.0
The essay presents a clear stance and develops two relevant mechanisms: imitation of aggressive characters and desensitisation through repeated exposure. Its main limitation is repetition in the second body paragraph, while the final sentence becomes a run-on that obscures the conclusion. Combine overlapping points about desensitisation, distinguish evidence from assertion, and rewrite the conclusion as two controlled sentences that restate each mechanism clearly.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The position is clear and both main reasons are relevant and developed with explanation and illustrative evidence, although some support is repetitive.
Use the second body paragraph to explain one clear causal chain from exposure to desensitisation to behaviour instead of restating the same claim.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction, two reason-led body paragraphs, and conclusion form a logical structure, with generally effective progression and referencing.
Remove duplicated explanations in the desensitisation paragraph and ensure the conclusion separates the two final ideas cleanly.
Lexical Resource
The essay demonstrates a strong range of topic vocabulary, but several combinations such as “exact right and wrong” and repeated uses of “violence” are imprecise.
Use natural phrases such as “distinguish right from wrong” and vary repeated nouns only where the alternative remains exact.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex structures are frequently successful, but punctuation, agreement, and sentence-boundary errors appear, most seriously in the conclusion.
Split the final run-on sentence and check comma placement around interrupters such as “nowadays” and “in fact.”
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people say that violence in the media promotes violence in society. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.