In a public-funded healthcare system, people who are willing to pay for the best and fast treatment should be able to do so. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Sample Response
Rich people, for any privileged healthcare service, should turn to private healthcare facilities and the public healthcare facilities should equally treat the citizens regardless their wealth and status. If affluent people are given priority in publicly funded medical carea public-funded medical care, the poor would be deprived of their right to receive medical treatmenttheir rights to get medical treatment and that is why I totally disagree with the notion that exclusive healthcare in a publicly funded systemthe exclusive healthcare in public funded system should be given to those who can pay more money. To begin with, a government has an obligation to ensure healthcare servicesservice for all of its citizens. If better medical services in a public funded system are for salesell, theyit would only degrade the overall healthcare service in a country and symbolise a weak and corrupt administration. Furthermore, any public service, including healthcare, is run by taxpayers' money and offering exclusive services to rich people would create a backdoor for corruption. Similarly, it would deprive citizens fromof getting the service at all as rich people would start monopolising the entire serviceconsuming the whole facility. With regardregards to prioritising medical servicesprioritise medical service, only rich people could afford itonly rich people can afford that and most of the poor cannot even think of getting it. So, only an autocratic government whose sole purpose is to make money and exerciseexercising power rather than serving the people would plan to actually execute such a detrimental and whimsical plan. Having said that, the privatelyprivate funded exclusive and expensive medical facilities are always there and wealthy people can avail themselves of this serviceavail this service for them anytime they want. This is why adopting a pay-for-priority policyadopting money-can-buy-better-service in a publiclypublic funded healthcare system is perhaps a step towards destroyingis perhaps the step to destroy a fair medical service in a country. To conclude, health care is a sensitive sector and any policy that can reduce its overall quality of service should always be discarded. In my personal opinion, and I am sure it would also reflect the opinion of the majority in my country, prioritised medical service in a publicly funded systempublic funded settlement should never be implemented as it has severe negative effectsit has a severe negative effect that would prevent poor people from accessing healthcare serviceshinder poor people from getting healthcare facilities at all.
Why this response received Band 6.5
The essay maintains a clear disagreement and develops a relevant fairness-based case with a broad range of vocabulary and complex structures. Its main weakness is presentation: the response is effectively one continuous paragraph, while several awkward collocations and grammatical slips reduce precision. The highest priority is to divide the argument into purposeful paragraphs and revise recurring word-form, preposition, and phrasing errors.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear position is sustained throughout, and the central arguments about equal access, taxation, and private alternatives are relevant and developed.
Replace some broad or emotive claims with a concrete explanation of how paid priority would affect treatment access in practice.
Coherence and Cohesion
The reasoning follows a generally logical sequence, but the absence of paragraph breaks and some mechanical transitions weaken overall organisation.
Separate the introduction, distinct supporting arguments, counterpoint, and conclusion into clearly focused paragraphs.
Lexical Resource
The response shows good range, but recurring collocational and word-form problems such as 'for sell' and 'private funded' reduce precision.
Check fixed expressions and adjective forms, especially around public funding, access to services, and prioritised treatment.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex sentences are frequent and usually clear, although errors with prepositions, articles, parallel structures, and verb forms recur.
Proofread complex clauses for complete grammatical parallelism, as in 'to make money and exercise power,' and for missing prepositions.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
In a public-funded healthcare system, people who are willing to pay for the best and fast treatment should be able to do so. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.