In many countries, teenagers are encouraged to find part-time jobs. Some think this is a good development while others disagree. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.
Sample Response
Some believe that teenagers ought to take part in part-time paid workhourly paid work while others feel this is not a good idea. In my opinion, though this can be an added burden for teenagers, it offers a host of benefits related to life experience.
Opponents of part-time work for teenagers focus on the mental effects of stressseize on the mental repercussions of stress. Teenagers already deal with so many life problems ranging from the chemical changes inherent in puberty to social stress to academic pressure. There are countries such as South Korea and Japan where the academic workload rarely allows for time for recreationrecreation time, let alone paid work. Adding a jobAdding in a job and the associated concernsits encumbent concerns can only worsen a teenager’s mental health and, in the most extreme cases, lead to depression and nervous breakdowns. Even students not affected as deeply are sure to be less happy due to stress.
Regardless, working promotes maturityworking is a maturing experience. Work continues and hastens the lifelong process of negotiating one’s own priorities against the expectations of others. Most high-school studentshigh schoolers start with a low-paying part-time position, and thatposition and that may educate them about the importance of having a good education. They are also likely to begin developing the qualities that will serve them well in a variety of future workplaces, includingfuture workplaces including teamwork skills, organisation, and perseverance. The experience will also give them a window into an industry and help them make more informed choices for their future career.
In conclusion, though work can take a toll on mental well-being it is a positive, overall maturing experience. Teenagers should try a variety of jobs in order to have a clearer understanding of different work environmentsclear overview of possible working environments.
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response fully discusses both perspectives and maintains a clear opinion, using relevant examples and well-developed reasoning about stress, maturity, and future work. Its main limitation is a small number of awkward or imprecise expressions in an otherwise fluent argument. Refine collocations such as those describing paid work and job-related concerns, and add a little more nuance to the final recommendation.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views are directly addressed and the preference for part-time work is clear, consistently maintained, and supported with developed consequences and examples.
Qualify the final recommendation by indicating suitable limits on working hours so it follows more precisely from the concern about stress.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response is logically sequenced, with focused paragraphs and cohesive links that make the contrasting arguments easy to follow.
Use a more precise transition than Regardless when moving from the disadvantages to the benefits.
Lexical Resource
The response demonstrates a wide and flexible vocabulary for mental health, education, personal development, and employment, despite a few awkward choices.
Correct the spelling and wording around encumbent concerns and replace hourly paid work with a more natural expression.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex and simple structures are varied and handled with strong control, with only occasional minor punctuation slips.
Add the missing comma after the introductory concession in the conclusion and continue checking punctuation in complex sentences.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
In many countries, teenagers are encouraged to find part-time jobs. Some think this is a good development while others disagree. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.