Some people regard video games as harmless fun, or even as a useful educational tool. Others, however, believe that video games are having an adverse effect on the people who play them. In your opinion, do the drawbacks of video games outweigh the benefits?
Sample Response
It is an irrefutable fact that computer games have been one of the most popular formsthe most renowned form of entertainment over the past few years due to the latest advances ininnovations by a wide range of cutting-edge technologies. Whether playing video games is considered beneficiallucrative or harmfulprejudicial remains a matter of debatea concept of contretemps. In this essayexposition, I will discusstalk through the merits and disadvantages of playing these games on electronic devices along with my beliefcertitude that drawbacks outweigh the benefitscons prevail over pros with credible illustrations.
On the one hand, some people claim that the sole purpose of playing video games is entertainmentis for entertainment and it is a form of relaxation which helps us recover from hectic work schedulesrejuvenates us from the hectic work schedules. It tends to improve our concentration by focusing on these games and increases problem-solving skills. Furthermore, these games are programmed with various foreign languages, and players have the option to select languagesdialects according to their preferencesdesire. This eventually enhances their knowledge of a plethora of languages spoken all around the world. Therefore, these applications improve our skills in various aspects, such as concentration and foreign languages.
On the flip side, there are numerous reasons for the downside of these applications. Individuals get insufficient physical activitylack physical activities as they remain in one place and keep staring atpeeking into their gadgets for long durations of time. This gradually leads to severe health complications such as becoming obese due to longprolonged hours of sitting. Furthermore, there is a myriad of problems that impacta myriad of problems which impacts our physical well-being. For instance, our eyesight is deeply affected, and many people todaymost of the citizens in this generation are forced to wear spectacles due to the harmful light emittedemission of detrimental light from computers and mobiles. Furthermore, children are accustomed to playing perilous games, which inculcates the shooting and killing of humans. This creates adverse effects on kids, and there are high chances that they might implement the same in their lives. Thus there are multiple challenges which a person or a child has to tackle if they persist in playing such games.
Taking everything into consideration, this discourse has elucidated optimistic and pessimistic perspectives of playing video games. Although there are some positive aspects, in my viewpoint, there are many demerits when compared to the advantages.
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response is strongest in its clear position and broad coverage of both benefits and drawbacks, with relevant examples arranged in a logical structure. Its main limitation is imprecise, overly elaborate vocabulary and several unsupported or overstated claims, which reduce naturalness and persuasiveness; the highest-priority improvement is to develop fewer points more carefully using precise everyday academic language and evidence that directly supports the comparison.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response answers the comparative question with a clear position and discusses relevant benefits and drawbacks, although some supporting claims are generalized or insufficiently substantiated.
Develop fewer reasons in greater depth and explicitly explain why the identified drawbacks outweigh the benefits.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through clear thematic paragraphs, but repeated mechanical linkers and some loose internal connections reduce cohesion.
Use a wider range of natural referencing and transitions so relationships between sentences are clear without repeatedly relying on signposting words.
Lexical Resource
The response demonstrates a broad vocabulary, but frequent inappropriate or strained choices such as overly ornate expressions reduce precision and naturalness.
Prioritize accurate, idiomatic academic vocabulary over uncommon words whose meanings or collocations are uncertain.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex structures communicates the main ideas clearly, though agreement, article, pronoun, and clause-control errors recur.
Proofread complex sentences for subject-verb agreement and clear pronoun reference, simplifying structures when accuracy begins to weaken.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people regard video games as harmless fun, or even as a useful educational tool. Others, however, believe that video games are having an adverse effect on the people who play them. In your opinion, do the drawbacks of video games outweigh the benefits?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.