The government should control the amount of violence in films and on television in order to decrease violent crimes in society. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this point of views?
Sample Response
Numerous people have regardedenvisioned television as the most important means of entertaining themselvesaccess to entertaining themselves. Pitifully, the amount of violence in films and on TVTv has become one of the direct causes that lead to our risinghovering crime rate in our society. Calls forThe voice of demanding the government to control violent scenes in mass media has been much louder than ever before. Personally, I totally agree with this viewagree with it, for it is the most effective way to reduce violent crimes in the real world.
First and foremost, the government has the tendency to transfer those immature audiences, who are lacking in proper and adequate parental guidance, into an untouchable class, and isolate them from violence on TV or in films which make non-stop criminal activities all the more attractive. This measure will definitely reduce the harmful influenceset a reduction on exporting a baneful influence on ignorant teenagers who are most likely to imitate the violent behaviourclone the violent behavior and commit real violent crimes.
In addition,Addition, Media such as TV or filmsTv or film, is considered as an easy way to accessan easy access to gaining the positive contentbenign contents enriching our creativitycreativities and imagination. It should reportIt should be reporting and reflecting positive phenomena in the society. Violence, as one of the facts in the real world, certainly has to the public will expert detrimental influences on the society, For example, teenagers will be easy to cop[y those behaviors which the actors act in some violent films or TV programs, especially for some famous stars. It is always reported in the news that a teenager killed his three family members—his sister and parentsall his family members, one sister, and two parents because of hatred inspired by the fictional worldout of hatred and the fictional world have brought us.
In a word, too much attention has been drawn to media violenceattention has been aroused to the violent, and consequently effectivetelling measures should be taken to bring violence in mass media under controlput violence from mass media under control. Only in this way, can our society enjoy a high level of safety and quietness.
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response maintains a clear, consistent agreement and organizes its argument into recognizable stages, with the imitation of violent behaviour serving as its strongest supporting idea. However, both body paragraphs rely on unclear claims, weakly substantiated examples, and frequent language errors that sometimes obscure the intended reasoning. The priority is to develop two precise cause-and-effect arguments in simpler, accurately controlled sentences, supported by credible and directly relevant examples.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear position is maintained and relevant reasons are offered, but their explanation is uneven and the final example is insufficiently credible or clearly connected.
Develop two distinct reasons by explaining exactly how media violence could influence crime and supporting each with a plausible, directly relevant example.
Coherence and Cohesion
The four-paragraph structure provides a recognizable progression, although awkward sequencing and unclear referencing weaken cohesion within the body paragraphs.
Give each body paragraph one focused topic sentence and arrange its explanation and example in a clear cause-and-effect sequence.
Lexical Resource
The response attempts varied vocabulary, but frequent inaccurate collocations and word choices such as those describing audiences and social influence reduce precision and naturalness.
Prefer familiar, accurately combined words and check collocations for key ideas such as restricting access, influencing viewers, and reducing crime.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex structures are attempted, but frequent errors in clause construction, agreement, articles, and punctuation sometimes make meaning difficult to recover.
Build accurate simple and compound sentences first, then add one clearly controlled subordinate clause at a time.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
The government should control the amount of violence in films and on television in order to decrease violent crimes in society. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this point of views?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.