The pie chart below shows the main reasons why agricultural land becomes less productive. The table shows how these causes affected three regions of the world during the 1990s.
Sample Response
The pie chart below is divided into four different sections, illustrates the main reasons why agricultural land degrades around the world, while the table compares the degradation by regions, including North America, Europe and the Oceania, during the 1990s. The predominant reason for land degradation would be over-grazing, taking up a percentage of 35 while deforestation fell into the second main reason with only five percent behind. Over-cultivation is the third major cause of the agricultural land to degrade. Each of the three reasons takes up roughly the similar equation while the other factors only cover 7 percent in the chart. In Europe, the degradation is the worst in comparison to the other two regions, having the majority of the land degraded from the result of deforestation. Oceania has the total degradation of 13 percent with two main reasons that are responsible for the less productive agricultural land, including over-grazing and deforestation. Over-cultivation, however, has none effect toward the land in Oceania according to the table. North America has the least degradation in the lands in the table below. It indicates that the land degraded in only five percent in the 1990s with the main cause of over-cultivation, taking up the percentage of 3.3 of the total degradation of 5 percent.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Join predicates correctly Original: sections, illustrates Suggested revision: sections and illustrates Why it matters: A comma cannot link the subject complement directly to the second predicate.
- 2. Clarify comparison Original: degradation by regions Suggested revision: land degradation across regions Why it matters: The replacement states clearly what is compared across the three regions.
- 3. Remove article Original: the Oceania Suggested revision: Oceania Why it matters: The region name “Oceania” does not take the definite article here.
- 4. Use factual tense Original: would be over-grazing Suggested revision: is over-grazing Why it matters: The chart presents a fact, so the conditional form is inappropriate.
- 5. Report percentage clearly Original: taking up a percentage of 35 Suggested revision: accounting for 35% Why it matters: This is the concise standard expression for a chart share.
- 6. Use ranking phrase Original: fell into the second main reason Suggested revision: was the second-largest cause Why it matters: The original collocation is not natural English for ranking causes.
- 7. State exact relationship Original: with only five percent behind Suggested revision: at 30%, five percentage points lower Why it matters: Deforestation accounts for 30%, which is five percentage points below over-grazing.
- 8. Fix noun structure Original: cause of the agricultural land to degrade Suggested revision: cause of agricultural land degradation Why it matters: The revised noun phrase is grammatical and more concise.
- 9. Describe chart shares Original: roughly the similar equation Suggested revision: broadly similar shares Why it matters: “Equation” does not describe the proportions represented by pie-chart segments.
- 10. Use proportion verb Original: other factors only cover Suggested revision: other factors account for only Why it matters: “Account for” is the appropriate verb for a percentage share.
- 11. Fix tense and noun Original: has the total degradation Suggested revision: had total land degradation Why it matters: The 1990s require past tense, and “land degradation” is the correct noun phrase.
- 12. Clarify causal phrase Original: responsible for the less productive agricultural land Suggested revision: responsible for the land degradation Why it matters: The original phrase awkwardly treats less productive land as an outcome noun.
Suggested Rewrites
- sections, illustrates sections and illustrates
- degradation by regions land degradation across regions
- the Oceania Oceania
- would be over-grazing is over-grazing
- taking up a percentage of 35 accounting for 35%
- fell into the second main reason was the second-largest cause
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response gives a coherent account of both visuals, accurately identifying over-grazing as the leading global cause and Europe as the most affected region. The main limitation is incomplete numerical support, especially the omission of Europe's 23% total, alongside some imprecise wording about deforestation. The highest-priority improvement is to present the three regional totals and their dominant causes with exact, clearly distinguished percentages.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
The response covers both visuals and identifies their principal patterns accurately, but omits Europe's total and slightly overstates deforestation's share there.
State that Europe had 23% degraded land and that deforestation was its largest cause at 9.8%, rather than a majority of the total.
Coherence and Cohesion
The report moves logically from global causes to regional comparisons, though some ideas are repetitive and would benefit from clearer paragraph grouping.
Separate the overview from two detail paragraphs, one for the pie chart and one comparing all three regions.
Lexical Resource
Relevant topic vocabulary is used with some variety, but inaccurate expressions such as "similar equation" and "none effect toward" weaken precision.
Use natural phrases such as "similar proportions," "had no effect," and "land was degraded by" consistently.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex structures are attempted and meaning remains clear, but article, agreement, preposition, and sentence-structure errors recur throughout.
Edit each complex sentence for a single clear main clause and correct forms such as "Oceania" and "had no effect on the land."
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The pie chart below shows the main reasons why agricultural land becomes less productive. The table shows how these causes affected three regions of the world during the 1990s.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.