The pie chart below shows the main reasons why agricultural land becomes less productive. The table shows how these causes affected three regions of the world during the 1990s.
Sample Response
The pie chart and table show reasons for worldwide land degradation & causes of land degradation in three different regions respectively in the 1990s. The main cause of land degradation worldwide was over-grazing which caused 35% land degradation, while the highest percentage of land degradation in different regions was due to over-grazing and in Oceania, this was the highest. It can be examined that the second largest factor of land degradation was deforestation which differentiates by 5% less than over-grazing. Then the third driven-reason of land degradation was over-cultivation with 28% effect on land degradation. These three main reasons caused 93% total degradation of lands and remaining 7% was due to other reasons. The area where highest land degraded occurred was in Europe which was 23%. Oceania (that included Australia and New Zealand and a large part of South Pacific) ranked as the second highest land-degraded area by only around a half of European land degradation percentage. North America is the area with the least land degradation, especially with least deforestation. Deforestation and over-cultivation contributed to European land degradation more than other parts as they were the highest level of degradation in each region.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural phrasing Original: examined Suggested revision: seen Why it matters: This is the natural phrase for introducing an observation from visual data.
- 2. Use precise ranking Original: second largest factor Suggested revision: second-largest cause Why it matters: This wording identifies the ranked cause more precisely.
- 3. Correct comparison form Original: which differentiates by 5% less than Suggested revision: which was 5 percentage points lower than Why it matters: The original verb and comparison structure are grammatically incorrect.
- 4. Correct ranking phrase Original: third driven-reason Suggested revision: third-largest cause Why it matters: Driven-reason is not a natural term for a ranked cause.
- 5. Express the proportion Original: with 28% effect on land degradation Suggested revision: , accounting for 28% of land degradation Why it matters: The participle structure expresses the percentage relationship accurately and grammatically.
- 6. Add proportion preposition Original: 93% total degradation of lands Suggested revision: 93% of total land degradation Why it matters: A percentage of a total requires the preposition of.
- 7. Add missing article Original: and remaining 7% Suggested revision: and the remaining 7% Why it matters: Remaining requires the definite article when it identifies the rest of the total.
- 8. Remove inaccurate aside Original: (that included Australia and New Zealand and a large part of South Pacific) Suggested revision: Delete Why it matters: This parenthetical inaccurately defines Oceania and is unnecessary for reporting the data.
- 9. Hyphenate compound adjective Original: second highest Suggested revision: second-highest Why it matters: The compound adjective should be hyphenated before the noun phrase it modifies.
- 10. Use accurate term Original: land-degraded area Suggested revision: region for land degradation Why it matters: The original compound is unnatural and obscures the regional ranking.
- 11. Clarify the comparison Original: by only around a half of European land degradation percentage Suggested revision: at just over half of Europe's total Why it matters: This replacement clearly compares Oceania's 13% total with Europe's 23%.
- 12. Match tense and noun Original: is the area Suggested revision: was the region Why it matters: The past tense matches the 1990s data and region is the appropriate comparison unit.
Suggested Rewrites
- examined seen
- second largest factor second-largest cause
- which differentiates by 5% less than which was 5 percentage points lower than
- third driven-reason third-largest cause
- with 28% effect on land degradation , accounting for 28% of land degradation
- 93% total degradation of lands 93% of total land degradation
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response identifies the main global cause and the correct regional ranking, and it reports several important percentages accurately. Its main weakness is incomplete coverage of the table, with most cause-by-region figures omitted and some comparisons expressed ambiguously; the single-block organisation and awkward phrasing also reduce clarity. Prioritise a clear overview followed by grouped, precise comparisons of all three regions, using accurate comparative structures and distinct paragraphs.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
A relevant overview and several accurate headline figures are included, but coverage of the regional breakdown is selective and some comparisons are unclear.
Compare all three causes across the regions, citing representative figures such as Europe's 9.8% deforestation and Oceania's 11.3% over-grazing.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information progresses from global causes to regional totals, but the response forms one dense paragraph and some links are mechanical.
Use separate overview and detail paragraphs, grouping global causes apart from the regional comparisons.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary is adequate for describing proportions and rankings, though repetition and awkward combinations such as "third driven-reason" reduce precision.
Use natural data-reporting phrases such as "the third-largest cause", "accounted for", and "the proportion of land degraded".
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex structures communicates the main information, but frequent article, comparison, and sentence-structure errors weaken control.
Practise concise comparative sentences with complete noun phrases, for example "Oceania's total was 13%, compared with 23% in Europe".
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The pie chart below shows the main reasons why agricultural land becomes less productive. The table shows how these causes affected three regions of the world during the 1990s.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.