The plans below show a college café before it was redesigned and how it looks now.
This response is estimated at Band 5.5. Can you write a better one?
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Sample Response
The planscharts below illustrate the structures of a college café before its redesign and its layout todaycollege cafe before redesign and structure today. OverallObviously, the cafe today adds a new area to provide outdoor seatingthe seats in the outside. Apart from that, the main indoor seating area remained in the centrethere some new facilities is joined like tables and chairs. The staff dining rooms and serving area were replaced by a hot meals area, a takeaway food counter, and a coffee barhot meals area, take away food area, coffee bar. The bin was upgraded to the recycling bins. There were also new doors were added to connect different areas.many doors is added which can link different areas. Firstly, the outside area which is linked to the indoor areas by two doors, now features a barbecue areatwo door is added with barbecue and many outdoor seats. Then the previously open space along the western wall has been occupied by a salad bar.spare area in the cafe before set a new salad bar today on the west of the house. The former staff dining rooms were replacedThe staff dining rooms before was replaced by the take away food area to the west and a coffee bar to the east.on the west side and coffee bar on the east side. Finally, the original serving area was convertedthe serving area before changed into a dedicated counter for hot meals only, rather than all food and drinks.into the hot meals area today.
Why this response received Band 5.5
The essay effectively identifies the main structural changes shown in the floor plans, including new food stations and outdoor seating. However, grammatical inaccuracies and awkward phrasing frequently obscure precision. To improve, focus on mastering subject-verb agreement and refining spatial prepositions to describe layout changes accurately.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The response presents a clear overview and reports key developments, though some details regarding interior seating are slightly inaccurate.
Ensure all details reflect the visual prompt accurately, avoiding claims that existing features like indoor tables were newly added.
Coherence and Cohesion
The layout follows a logical structure with distinct paragraphs, but cohesive devices are mechanical and occasionally overused.
Use more natural transition expressions and varied sentence connectors to show relationships between different areas of the plan.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary covers the necessary plan labels adequately, though awkward word choices and phrasing appear throughout.
Practice precise directional and comparative vocabulary, such as 'located along the western wall' instead of 'on the west of the house'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Frequent grammatical errors, particularly with subject-verb agreement and plural noun forms, hinder grammatical control.
Review passive voice structures and subject-verb agreement to eliminate repetitive errors like 'there some new facilities is joined' or 'doors is added'.