The plans below show a college café before it was redesigned and how it looks now.
This response is estimated at Band 5.5. Can you write a better one?
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Sample Response
The plansgraph illustrate a college cafe's design before it was redeveloped and its current layout.and current layout.
Overall, it is obvious that, the cafe underwent considerable changes.cafe underwent considerably changes. The serving area for all food and drink and two staff dining rooms were demolished. Furthermore, the kitchen and toilets remainedkeep unchanged.
In detaildetails, kitchen and toilets which were located in the north-west and south-eastwestern north and eastern south of the cafe remain unchanged. The serving area for all food and drink was converted into hot meals section opposite the kitchen.on the opposite of kitchen. There were two staff dining rooms were demolished and the western part became a takeaway food section.becomes a area which can take away food. For the eastern part, a coffee bar was constructedcoffee bar was constructed next to that area. Besides, the bin on the north sidebin on the north side of the toilets was extended to larger recycling bins.a larger recycling bins. In addition, on the western side of the cafe,in the western of the cafe, there isare a new salad bar. On the same side, there is also a barbecue area which is adjacent to the cafe. To the south,To the east side, there are five tables provide outdoor seating.five tables provide to outdoor seating.
Why this response received Band 5.5
The essay successfully identifies the principal layout changes between the two plans and presents a clear overview of the main modifications. However, the response is limited by frequent grammatical errors and imprecise positional vocabulary that obscure specific details. To improve, focus on mastering accurate compass directions and refining double-verb sentence structures.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The response outlines the main structural changes across the café and includes a clear overview highlighting key developments.
Ensure directional references, such as north and south orientations, are accurately mapped to the diagram.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information is organized in a logical progression with clear paragraphing and basic transitional markers.
Replace repetitive or mechanical linkers like 'In details' with more natural introductory phrases for body paragraphs.
Lexical Resource
The report uses some relevant task vocabulary like 'demolished' and 'converted', but errors in word choice and word formation recur.
Work on precise spatial vocabulary and correct word forms, avoiding expressions like 'western north' or 'considerably changes'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A variety of sentence structures is attempted, but grammatical mistakes such as subject-verb agreement errors and double verbs are frequent.
Practice constructing accurate relative clauses to avoid double-predicates like 'There were two staff dining rooms were demolished'.