The plans below show a college café before it was redesigned and how it looks now.
This response is estimated at Band 6.0. Can you write a better one?
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Sample Response
The plans illustrate the features and layout of a college cafe before it was redesigned and its current layoutits looks today.
Overall, the cafe underwent a substantial redevelopment, most noticeably through the additionthrough addition of an outdoor seatingsitting, barbeque and salad bar, and the replacement ofand replacement of staff dining rooms with other facilities.
The cafe today has outdoor seatingan outdoor seating signifying a major change, while the area was empty prior to redesign. AdditionallySimilarly, the cafe has expandedadvanced its facilities by adding barbeque and salad bar on its left side and south exterioron its left side.
In addition, the cafe today has altered its layout with the replacement of staff dining rooms with two facilities:with two facilities; take-away foodtake away food and a coffee barcoffee. The toilets and the kitchenToilets and kitchen remained unchanged while the serving area and the bin spaceserving area and bin space saw a significant alterationsmarginal change.
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response effectively provides a clear overview and identifies the main structural changes shown in the plans. However, it falls short of the recommended word count, resulting in brief descriptions and some underdeveloped comparisons. To improve, elaborate further on key details and refine article usage and word choices.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The overview accurately identifies key changes, but the report is slightly under-length and misses more detailed comparisons.
Expand the key features into fuller descriptive details to exceed 150 words and cover all map elements thoroughly.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information is logically organized into paragraphs, though sequencing transition words like 'In addition' and 'Similarly' feels slightly mechanical.
Use natural referencing and varied transition devices to connect features and changes more smoothly across paragraphs.
Lexical Resource
The response uses adequate vocabulary to describe modifications, though word choice errors like 'sitting' instead of 'seating' occur.
Focus on precise spatial and redevelopment vocabulary, ensuring proper word forms and collocations.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex sentence structures is used, with generally clear control despite minor grammatical slips.
Ensure consistent article use and accurate noun plurals when introducing new layout features.