The graphs below show the numbers of male and female workers in 1975 and 1995 in several employment sectors of the Republic of Freedonia.
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Sample Response
The dumbbell chartline graph compares the numbers of male and female employees across six employment sectors in the Republic of Freedonia in 1975.
Overall, men outnumbered women in all six sectors. The public sector (non-defence) employed the largest number of both gendersboth male and female workers, whereas the public sector (defence) recorded the lowest figures. Furthermore, the gender gap was particularly pronounced in manufacturing, while a narrowest disparitysmaller difference was observed in communications.
Looking first at male workforce figuresRegarding male employment, the public sector (non-defence) had the highest figure, at approximately 850,000approximately 850. This was followed by wholesale and retail trade and manufacturing, which employed around 700,000 and slightly fewer than 700,000 menaround 700 and slightly fewer than 700 men, respectively. By contrast, the figuresMeanwhile, the figures for communications and finance/banking were both around 300,000 and 420,000 respectivelyapproximately 400, while the public sector (defence) employed the fewest men, at around 220,000around 210.
Turning to female employment, a comparable distribution was evidentA similar pattern was observed among female employees, with the public sector (non-defence) recording the highest figure, at approximately 650,000approximately 650, followed by wholesale and retail trade at roughly 540,000around 510. Female employment in manufacturing and communications stood at roughly 300,000 and 250,000 respectivelyFemale employment in manufacturing and communications differed by approximately 50, while finance/banking and the public sector (defence) recorded much lower figures, at around 130,000 and 30,000around 110 and 20, respectively. The difference between male and female employment was particularly substantial in manufacturing.
Why this response received Band 7.5
The essay presents a clear summary and logical overview with sophisticated language and varied sentence structures. The main limitation is the omission of the scale unit (thousands) and minor inaccurate data readings from the graph. To improve, pay closer attention to the axis labels to ensure all units and numerical details are reported precisely.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
Key trends and features are highlighted with a clear overview, but the measurement unit in thousands was omitted and some data figures were misread.
Ensure all scale units from the chart axes are accurately reflected in the reported values.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information is logically organized into well-structured paragraphs with clear progression throughout the response.
Maintain this effective paragraph structure while ensuring smooth transitions between specific data comparisons.
Lexical Resource
A wide range of vocabulary is used naturally and flexibly with precise word choices appropriate for Task 1.
Continue using varied descriptive terms for comparisons to maintain natural language control.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A broad range of complex grammatical structures is produced with high accuracy and control.
Sustain this high level of grammatical accuracy across all sentence forms.