The graphs below show the numbers of male and female workers in 1975 and 1995 in several employment sectors of the Republic of Freedonia.
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Sample Response
The chartThe line graph compares the number of male and female employeesmen and women employees in six different employment sectors of the Republic of Freedonia in 1975.Republic of Freedonia.
Overall, male workers outnumbered female workersthe female in all sectors. The public sector (non-defense)Public sector (non - defense) employed the highest number of both gendersgender whereaswhereas, the number wasis lower in public sector (defense). Additionally, there wasis a noticeable gender gap in finance and banking.
In manufacturing, approximately 640,000 men were employed, more than double the figure for women, at around 300,000. A similar pattern couldcan be observed in finance and banking, where male employment stood at roughly 420,000, compared with just 130,000 female employees. By contrast, the gender gap in communications was relatively narrow, with approximately 290,000 men and 260,000 women working in this sector.
A substantial number of people were employed in wholesale and retail trade, which comprisedwholesale and retail trade, which accounted for around 700,000 male workers and 540,000 female workers. The public sector (non-defence) recorded the highest employment figures, with approximately 850,000 men and 650,000 women. In comparison, employment in the defence sector was considerably lower, standing at about 230,000 men and only 40,000 women.
Why this response received Band 7.0
The essay presents an accurate summary of data from the chart, highlighting key differences between male and female employment across all sectors. The main limitations are misidentifying the visual format as a line graph and missing any data from 1995 mentioned in the prompt title. Prioritize double-checking all prompt parameters and chart types to ensure complete coverage.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
Key details and precise numerical figures for 1975 are presented clearly alongside a relevant overview, though the visual format is mislabeled and timeframe requirements from the prompt are incomplete.
Ensure all time periods listed in the prompt are addressed and accurately describe the graphic format.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information is logically grouped into distinct paragraphs by sector, creating a clear overall progression throughout the report.
Refine transitional punctuation around linking words such as 'whereas' to keep cohesive flow seamless.
Lexical Resource
A good range of topic-specific vocabulary and comparative language is used accurately to highlight gender differences.
Incorporate a wider variety of dynamic terms for data points to avoid repeating basic category descriptions.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Sentence structures are well-controlled with high accuracy, displaying effective complex clauses throughout the body paragraphs.
Pay close attention to noun plurals and article choices in phrases like 'both genders' and 'the female'.