The graphs below show the numbers of male and female workers in 1975 and 1995 in several employment sectors of the Republic of Freedonia.
This response is estimated at Band 7.5. Can you write a better one?
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Sample Response
The dumbbell chart illustratesgraph illustrates the number of male and female employees, measured in thousands, across six employment sectors in the Republic of Freedonia in 1975.
Overall, men outnumbered women in all six sectors. The public sector (non-defence) employed the highestlargest numbers of both male and female workers, while the public sector (defence) had the lowestdefence sector had the lowest employment figures. The gender gap was particularly noticeable in manufacturing and finance/banking.finance and banking.
The public sector (non-defence) recorded the highest employment figures, with approximately 850,000 men and 650,000 women working in this sector. Second in overall workforce wasThis was followed by wholesale & retail tradewholesale and retail trade, which employed around 700,000 men, as against 540,000 female workers.compared with 540,000 women. In manufacturing, male employment stood at approximately 640,000, more than double the figure for women, at 300,000.
Lower employment figures were observed in finance and banking, where around 420,000 men were employed, compared with just 130,000 women. In communications, the difference between the two genders was relatively small, with approximately 290,000 male and 260,000 female employees.with approximately 290,000 male employees and 260,000 female employees. Finally, the public sector (defence) had the fewest workersdefence sector had the fewest workers, employing roughly 230,000 men and only 40,000 women.
Why this response received Band 7.5
The response features exceptional linguistic control, precise vocabulary, and well-structured paragraphing to describe the 1975 chart data. However, it completely omits the 1995 data requested in the task prompt, significantly limiting task coverage. To achieve a much higher overall score, ensure that all years and data sets specified in the prompt are fully addressed.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
Key details for 1975 are presented with accurate figures and a clear overview, but the required comparison with 1995 is entirely missing.
Address all time periods and data sets specified in the task rubric to ensure complete coverage.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information is logically organised into well-defined paragraphs with smooth transitional phrases and clear internal progression.
Maintain this effective structural layout while integrating comparison points across both target years.
Lexical Resource
The writing demonstrates a wide range of sophisticated, flexible vocabulary used with high naturalness and precision.
Continue employing varied lexical collocations when making comparative statements across multiple timeframes.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Grammatical structures are consistently accurate, varied, and controlled without any noticeable errors throughout.
Sustain this level of precision and sentence variety in longer responses covering multiple charts.